(March 9, 2018 at 10:14 am)wallym Wrote:

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I am making broad generalizations.  Which is also a delightful pun.  I'm also using a lot of qualifiers when I speak.  Probably, might, etc...  But more important, for my point to make sense, it just has to be the common position, not a universal law.  I'm sure polyamory is great for some people in some situations.  But you and Aegon were talking about it being much more normalized.

But we clearly have very different views on how older women are viewed, the competitiveness of relationships, the nature of relationships in general, hollywood being a capitalist reflection of the populaces interests, and on and on.

Which is fine.  But you're responses so far have been 'nuh-uh.'
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One thing I'll say, and this is true about most things...I don't care.  I don't care if polyamory is good or bad.  I have no dog in the fight.

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  It's just an intuitive reaction. 

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But I think your notion that the only thing holding people back is the religious conditioning misses out on a lot of aspects of polyamory that are unattractive, and a lot of aspects of monogamy that are attractive.  Especially as you age.

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I appreciate the honesty. I do care and care enough to consider it beyond intuition.

(March 9, 2018 at 12:47 pm)rskovride Wrote: I appreciate the honesty. I do care and care enough to consider it beyond intuition.

Usually, when taking a non-intuitive position, someone will make a case for that non-intuitive position so other people can see what aspect they are missing.

You haven't done that much.  For example, I say older women often have a rougher go of it in the dating world.  An intuitive idea that fits with general understood ideas about desirability and is a pretty widely held opinion.  And you say 'nope.'  Which is fine.  But it's not the most persuasive thing I've heard.

(March 8, 2018 at 12:52 am)Sterben Wrote: Hello, I'm almost thirty-one and I have yet to be in any type of relationship with the opposite-sex. The strange thing about it is the I primarily do not care that I have no sex-life nor a desire for a partner in life. As well, I find computers and electronics more appealing then woman(not in a sexual way). If you told me, "Hey, Sterben a friend of mine is looking to start dating. She's a nice girl and I think you two have a lot in common. Would you like to join (Your partners name ), and (Your name) for a dinner date?" I would really not want to go, on the grounds of I rather be taking photos of a landscape or a activity I can do by myself.


    Getting personal with people bothers me in so many ways, unless I have known them for quite a while and even then I'm still uncomfortable. Does this make a strange or sick person? If so, give a few reasons why.

Being single isn't a tragedy, disease or affliction; it's merely a state of being.

In your case, I don't see that you have a problem because you said you have no desire for a partner in life. It's possible to have a fulfilling and meaningful life without a partner (many do), so why worry?

-Teresa

I'm not sure if this has been covered, but if you're not interested in sex at all, it sounds like you might just be A-sexual. It's totally normal and fine. You do you.

It's not average. But I can relate to you in some ways and I don't think it's messed up. I'm 37 and always been single. Often not by choice. I have schizoaffective disorder and have always felt kind of alienated. That, med side effects, and physical health issues have kept me from doing anything more than try to work. When I was religious, I felt like it would be wrong to be in a relationship because i knew I could never provide for a family. Now it's the worry that they won't want me because I don't work, and that, even if I found someone who did, they wouldn't really respect me and certainly the people around them wouldn't. I've seen women I know badmouth guys for not working. Granted in all these situations, both parties seemed to have lots of issues. But what they focused on the most was the guy not working.

I'd like to get out there and meet people(for friends too), and thought about maybe going to a coffeehouse or something, and maybe when I can get a ride I will. The public transportation here that I can actually afford is terrible, In my experience. They have failed to show up altogether, and when I did temp work at Goodwill they failed to pick me up for the return ride. I can't afford uber, or the better local transportation, or at least it would be a huge chunk of my available cash.

Thing is I don't know if I can even really just go up to people in a coffeehouse and say " Do you mind if I sit here?" Female or Male. Honestly I think my chances of getting a girlfriend if I try are slim. Better if I can work part time, but still slim even in that case.

It would be hard to do in the face of behaviors that have developed through evolution and traditional gender roles.

I see no point in using a dating site. If I don't have a job, I'm completely out of the running. It's easy to just run down the list of things. If I can get a shitty, menial job maybe I have some slight chance but not a good one.

Anyways if somebody did like me, I have no reliable way to get to them and back. This area sucks ass!

(March 9, 2018 at 10:24 am)No_God Wrote: If you have no desire then it's normal. What's normal for you doesn't apply to me, or anyone else. Just you. As long as nothing is keeping you from pursuing something you want, I'd say you're just fine and keep on truckin'

This.

'Normal' and 'common' don't mean the same thing. Asexuality isn't common, but it is normal. Heterosexuality and bisexuality are more common than homosexuality, but that doesn't make homosexuality less normal. There's another example.

(March 9, 2018 at 1:01 pm)wallym Wrote:

(March 9, 2018 at 12:47 pm)rskovride Wrote: I appreciate the honesty. I do care and care enough to consider it beyond intuition.

Usually, when taking a non-intuitive position, someone will make a case for that non-intuitive position so other people can see what aspect they are missing.

You haven't done that much.  For example, I say older women often have a rougher go of it in the dating world.  An intuitive idea that fits with general understood ideas about desirability and is a pretty widely held opinion.  And you say 'nope.'  Which is fine.  But it's not the most persuasive thing I've heard.

I was trying to give you a way out of the conversation. But you insist on beclowning yourself.

Your intuitive argument has no meaning whatsoever in this case.

It is intuitive that the earth was flat also. How do you feel about the spherical nature of the earth?

It doesn't make sense to me that older women would have it harder. I'm pretty sure most of the older guys can't get 25 year olds or whatever. It's not like guys age better than women. And I mean, when I started getting into my mid to late 30's, it isn't like I got a hankering for young women, more women started becoming hot to me not less. I would gladly date someone in her early 40's.

I very much doubt it goes in a different direction when you get in your 50's or 60's.

(March 9, 2018 at 2:23 pm)The Industrial Atheist Wrote: It's not average. But I can relate to you in some ways and I don't think it's messed up. I'm 37 and always been single.  Often not by choice. I have schizoaffective disorder and have always felt kind of alienated. That, med side effects, and physical health issues have kept me from doing anything more than try to work. When I was religious, I felt like it would be wrong to be in a relationship because i knew I could never provide for a family. Now it's the worry that they won't want me because I don't work, and that, even if I found someone who did, they wouldn't really respect me and certainly the people around them wouldn't. I've seen women I know badmouth guys for not working. Granted in all these situations, both parties seemed to have lots of issues. But what they focused on the most was the guy not working.

I'd like to get out there and meet people(for friends too), and thought about maybe going to a coffeehouse or something, and maybe when I can get a ride I will. The public transportation here that I can actually afford is terrible, In my experience. They have failed to show up altogether, and when I did temp work at Goodwill they failed to pick me up for the return ride. I can't afford uber, or the better local transportation, or at least it would be  a huge chunk of my available cash.

Thing is I don't know if I can even really just go up to people in a coffeehouse and say " Do you mind if I sit here?" Female or Male. Honestly I think my chances of getting a girlfriend if I try are slim. Better if I can work part time, but still slim even in that case.

It would be hard to do in the face of behaviors that have developed through evolution and traditional gender roles.

I see no point in using a dating site. If I don't have a job, I'm completely out of the running. It's easy to just run down the list of things. If I can get a shitty, menial job maybe I have some slight chance but not a good one.

Anyways if somebody did like me, I have no reliable way to get to them and back. This area sucks ass!

I've always felt like whether a partner works or not is subjectively good or bad. Some people don't care. Some people care a lot. I know that if Tibs couldn't work, things would be hard, but I'd try to make the most of it. I had to take a year off work once while I was married to my first husband. During that time, I took care of his son, cleaned the house, did the cooking, laundry, shopping, etc. He never paid for a damn thing for me because I had savings, insurance and help. In spite of his often going without work or just leaving jobs for no reason, he acted as if this was all of a sudden THE problem with our marriage. We were on our way out years before that. What I'm saying is, I understand your insecurity about it. People will use it as an excuse to treat you like shit. Having OCD and panic disorder, I often worry that I won't be able to work too. In fact, it's one of my main "themes," so I often suffer guilt that I'm not working at normal times not to work (Christmas, weekends, etc.). However, not being able to work doesn't make you a useless part of a relationship. I feel like if you put yourself out there as who you are (maybe a dating website profile) and be totally honest, people who don't mind will come, even if it takes awhile. People can contribute financially to relationships in many ways. Couponing and cooking cheap meals at home to save money are just some ideas. Trust me. Jobless and worthless are not synonyms.

(March 9, 2018 at 4:35 pm)The Industrial Atheist Wrote: It doesn't make sense to me that older women would have it harder. I'm pretty sure most of the older guys can't get 25 year olds or whatever. It's not like guys age better than women. And I mean, when I started getting into my mid to late 30's, it isn't like I got a hankering for young women, more women started becoming hot to me not less. I would gladly date someone in her early 40's.

I very much doubt it goes in a different direction when you get in your 50's or 60's.

(Emphasis mine)
It doesn't make sense because it ain't true! Not in my case, anyway.
And yes, men age too. Older men might fantasize about being with much younger women but that doesn't mean it's going to happen for them.
There are plenty of variables involved in meeting people. Age is just one.

-Teresa