Not a lot of blokes realize it, but women have a very subtle code they use when they're absolutely about to have sex with you.  Keep it to yourself, but it's:



Boru

I’ve known thousands of women in the biblical sense.

And by ‘biblical sense’ I mean ‘made-up women who never really existed.’

Boru

(April 10, 2020 at 5:55 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I’ve known thousands of women in the biblical sense.

And by ‘biblical sense’ I mean ‘made-up women who never really existed.’

Boru

You ever do Helen White? How was she? [/George Carlin]

If my grandmother knew how much I spent on her funeral, she’d be spinning in her ditch.

Boru

I cried the first time I made love to a woman.  It may have been the physical release, it may have been the emotional connection...



Boru

I once told a joke to a dwarf, but it went over his head.

Boru

^
I hope it didn't throw him for six!

My gran used to knit me jumpers every Christmas, and they were dreadful. One year, she made me this burgundy monstrosity - sleeves different lengths, collar crooked, bit of yarn unraveling here and there. But the worst bit was, she had embroidered it across the front with the words ‘FOREIGNERS GO HOME’.

I hated to hurt her feelings, but this was over the line. I told her, ‘Gran, I can’t wear this...



Boru

I was going to donate a kidney, but I changed my mind because the people at the hospital were asking all sorts of stupid questions, like, ‘Where did you get this?’ and ‘Why are your hands all bloody?’

Boru

(April 13, 2020 at 8:53 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I was going to donate a kidney, but I changed my mind because the people at the hospital were asking all sorts of stupid questions, like, ‘Where did you get this?’ and ‘Why are your hands all bloody?’

Boru

You need to go to Beccs' Online Chop Shop.

"No questions asked, no answers given"