(August 16, 2020 at 8:47 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: I tried ordering t-shirts for our local psychics club.

I got the order wrong.

I ordered large and XL but apparently they're all mediums.

OMG!  I read it the first time as "physics club", and couldn't understand the punch-line until I went back.

Anybody else, or am I the only idiot here?

mental typo = dylexia

(August 22, 2020 at 9:08 pm)ignoramus Wrote: mental typo = dylexia

Dyslecs of the world, untie! 

As long as we don't make fun of incontinence! My dad had it. Now I do. It runs in my jeans.

I rang the bowel incontinence help line once. They told me to hold. Sorry, no can do!

This is Rudolph. He is known as Rudolph the Red.


He told his woman, tonight, it is going to rain! She asked: How do you know?

He said:

(August 23, 2020 at 8:57 am)ignoramus Wrote: This is Rudolph. He is known as Rudolph the Red.


He told his woman, tonight, it is going to rain! She asked: How do you know?

He said:

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Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

---

My wife just banned me from the house for telling this one.

(August 23, 2020 at 9:50 am)polymath257 Wrote:

(August 23, 2020 at 8:57 am)ignoramus Wrote: This is Rudolph. He is known as Rudolph the Red.


He told his woman, tonight, it is going to rain! She asked: How do you know?

He said:

---

Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.

---

My wife just banned me from the house for telling this one.

She couldn't reach a knife, huh?

Patient, "So you're saying I can masturbate whenever and wherever I want?"

Me, "No. I'm telling you that you could have a stroke at any time."

Two guys and a union worker were fishing on a lake one day, when Jesus walked across the water and joined them in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked, humbly, “Jesus, I’ve suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War…could you help me?”

“Of course, my son,” Jesus said, and when he touched the man’s back, he felt relief for the first time in years.

The second man, who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving, asked if Jesus could do anything about his eyesight.

Jesus smiled, removed the man’s glasses and tossed them in the lake. When they hit the water, the man’s eyes cleared, and he could see everything distinctly.

When Jesus turned to heal the union worker, the guy put his hands up and cried, defensively, “DON’T TOUCH ME! I’m on long-term disability!”

I went skydiving the other day, probably the scariest thing I've ever done. They strapped me to this bloke and we jumped out. Halfway down he asked me how long had I been an instructor.