Fulfilling the dream of a lifetime, a man gets a seat at the World Cup Final, right at the halfway line. The seat next to him is vacant, so he asks the man across from him if someone will be sitting there.

'No,' says the man.

'That's strange.  Who would pay for a seat at the World Cup and not use it?'

'Actually, that seat was for my wife. She passed away after we bought the tickets.'

'Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.  But couldn't you have brought someone else, a friend or maybe a relative?'

'Nah. They're all at her funeral.'

Boru

I tried ordering t-shirts for our local psychics club.

I got the order wrong.

I ordered large and XL but apparently they're all mediums.

^ You should've known that!

trump and co. handling the pandemic.

(August 16, 2020 at 8:47 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: I tried ordering t-shirts for our local psychics club.

I got the order wrong.

I ordered large and XL but apparently they're all mediums.

My wife told me her mum was a medium.
I said I'd always thought of her as more of a small. (she was about 4 foot six).

True story.

Me, 'What brings you here today?'

Patient, "My car. But I walked a bit, too."

Me, writing in chart, "Not sexually active."

I was just looking through my telescope and found a Galaxy Far Far away!

(August 20, 2020 at 12:04 am)ignoramus Wrote: I was just looking through my telescope and found a Galaxy Far Far away!

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Far, far gone, is more like it.

(August 20, 2020 at 12:21 am)Fireball Wrote:

(August 20, 2020 at 12:04 am)ignoramus Wrote: I was just looking through my telescope and found a Galaxy Far Far away!

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Far, far gone, is more like it.

Here in the rust belt state of Michigan - that's considered good condition..... 

Niece, "Auntie Beccs, who's your favourite niece?" I have one niece.

Me, "It would have to be Theresa."

Niece, "But she's not your niece!"

Me, "No, but she's someone's niece."