(April 4, 2022 at 11:13 am)Ranjr Wrote: If it wasn't for funerals, I would never see much of my family.  I always go.  Atheism isn't a chip on my shoulder.

Yeah, I am not afraid that if I am in a religious environment I will suddenly become one of them...oh the horror!

I went to more damn wakes when I was growing up.  Every family member of one of dad's clients that died, I, as the oldest kid, was paraded through the funeral home even if I didn't know them from Adam's house cat.

At the same time, when I went to Unitarian services and sung the hymns, I was always afraid my brain was being subtly reprogrammed as I was distracted by singing the hymn.

(April 4, 2022 at 11:13 am)Ranjr Wrote: If it wasn't for funerals, I would never see much of my family.  I always go.  Atheism isn't a chip on my shoulder.

Very much how I feel about it. I’ve been to funerals of people from different faiths, dittos for weddings and baptisms. I’d prefer not to alienate friends and family by refusing on the basis that their beliefs don’t match mine.

Boru

I think the OP is looking at funerals wrong.

Funerals aren't about the dead getting to heaven, though some parts of a religious service may reference that. They are about family and friends coming together and dealing with the loss, bonding, and coming to grips with their own mortality.

If you don't believe your grandfather is going to heaven, that doesn't mean you have to boycott a service. As long as they don't make you pray or take communion, why can't you be there?

In this life, it is easy to be against things, but that shouldn't define who you are. To me, the fact that there is no afterlife means that is is important to be a witness to loss and suffering. There is no god to make things better - there is just us.

The family(s) typically have had my support/bonding prior to the death. Showing up (or not) at a ceremony does not change that.

(April 4, 2022 at 7:16 pm)brewer Wrote: The family(s) typically have had my support/bonding prior to the death. Showing up (or not) at a ceremony does not change that.

I think bonding in a time of grief takes on another dimension.

(April 4, 2022 at 10:20 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:

(April 4, 2022 at 7:16 pm)brewer Wrote: The family(s) typically have had my support/bonding prior to the death. Showing up (or not) at a ceremony does not change that.

I think bonding in a time of grief takes on another dimension.

potato................potato

(April 4, 2022 at 10:47 pm)brewer Wrote:

(April 4, 2022 at 10:20 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: I think bonding in a time of grief takes on another dimension.

potato................potato

Sure, we all handle it our own way. Jut offering my take.

Y'all

Thanks for all the comments. It's the best coming here, because y'all get the feeling, the sigh, not the religious bullshit again. so some background of my logic here for y'all. All my family is just average Catholic and my family has a average stigma towards atheism. Majority of them are the 'older then 50 crowd' so they don't really see the view of not believing in something. so my thing is it would be very awkward and I would be judged by the crowd. It's definitely fucking stupid. One of my major annoyances with my family, I always just tune them out, like literally blank stare haha, when then mention religion and just 'alright'. Yeah I don't plan to go, I don't care what they think or say. Sick of the traditions or the need to go, to honor someone. I guess I'm just one of those people who can't put on a show, when it comes to religion, because it just makes me mad. I know I may never hear the end of it, but then I just won't talk to them, done that in the past and they cave about it, as they know I don't change my mind much, when it's set, kind of like my grandpa. My mom use to always tell me, it was her rules, when I told I didn't believe in a god and she made me do conformation, (what bullshit, still have some resentment towards her for that). I told her, now I live by myself since 19, now it's my rules, like I legit laughed at her, when she said 'you're going to go' fuck that y'all fuck that. I just really appreciate all of you, reminds me of the feeling of a good song!

@Angrboda Haha this is me sometimes, when I think about how my sister never goes to a church, but want's to bring them up in faith, because it's tradition, I still laugh at that, I just feel so bad for my niece and nephew to even be subjected to bullshit Catholic traditions.

^ Is in the over 50 crowd

I understand Catholic mass is very different from the Baptist or Methodist funerals I attend.  I simply go, sit in a pew, sing a song or two, then have lunch with distant cousins, old aunts and uncles.  No synchronized kneeling, chanting and so on.  That stuff creeps me out.  But the after parties:  that's what I like about Catholics.  They know how to throw down. 

I played and sang baritone to Peace in the Valley at Doc's funeral.  I kept Reach out to Jesus ready for the wee hours when people were due for a reckoning with booze.  It doesn't change my lack of belief.  Likewise, believing there are any number of ways to rock doesn't keep me from having fun with There's Only One Way to Rock.