(December 23, 2022 at 9:42 pm)arewethereyet Wrote: Here's my take on this - the OP is looking to get laid.  He's not looking for a relationship.  There are women out there looking to get laid and not for a relationship.  OP is focusing on the wrong group of women.  His desperation is going to turn any woman away who isn't out for quick romp.

I don't OP understands there's a difference.

As a guy who's been shot down a number of times, my take is that you put your goods in the shop-window and hope that it convinces shoppers to come in and lay down their piasters. I know I've got a lot of good stuff for sale, but I also understand that shoppers might not be looking for what I have on offer.

The problem comes when you only blame the shoppers, and don't stop to consider what it is that people are actually looking for. Taking it as an insult or a brush-off, blaming the other, indicates that he isn't thinking to himself "what might be wrong with me that she doesn't find me attractive?"

In short, maybe what you have on offer is detected and passed-over. Is that a "them" problem or a "you" problem?

(December 23, 2022 at 10:33 pm)Uberpod Wrote: If it cannot be comfortably managed, it still needs to be uncomfortably managed.   We can extend empathy without enabling the directing of anger toward others.

Legalization of prostitution can be looked at and even state subsidized prostitution.

I agree that it has to be managed somehow. And I agree that spewing our anger onto others nearly always does more harm than good.

Official or semi-official (tacitly tolerated) prostitution has a long history. Modern Japan has its "Soaplands" where the police know what goes on, and allow it as long as it's contained. I can't say I support it but I don't know what can be done.

(December 23, 2022 at 11:10 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:

(December 23, 2022 at 9:42 pm)arewethereyet Wrote: Here's my take on this - the OP is looking to get laid.  He's not looking for a relationship.  There are women out there looking to get laid and not for a relationship.  OP is focusing on the wrong group of women.  His desperation is going to turn any woman away who isn't out for quick romp.

I don't OP understands there's a difference.

As a guy who's been shot down a number of times, my take is that you put your goods in the shop-window and hope that it convinces shoppers to come in and lay down their piasters. I know I've got a lot of good stuff for sale, but I also understand that shoppers might not be looking for what I have on offer.

The problem comes when you only blame the shoppers, and don't stop to consider what it is that people are actually looking for. Taking it as an insult or a brush-off, blaming the other, indicates that he isn't thinking to himself "what might be wrong with me that she doesn't find me attractive?"

In short, maybe what you have on offer is detected and passed-over. Is that a "them" problem or a "you" problem?

I think that eBay with a hidden reserve would be a better analogy -- you're willing to sell, but, not to just anyone and everyone. (Well, at least I hope that such is not the case.)

(December 23, 2022 at 11:45 pm)Jehanne Wrote: I think that eBay with a hidden reserve would be a better analogy -- you're willing to sell, but, not to just anyone and everyone.  (Well, at least I hope that such is not the case.)

Whichever analogy you prefer. My point is that taking rejection personally is a great recipe for unhappiness. "What's wrong with me?" thinking gives off a reek that everyone can smell, and I think most of us find it deeply unattractive -- so that it becomes a vicious cycle.

(December 24, 2022 at 11:07 am)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:

(December 23, 2022 at 11:45 pm)Jehanne Wrote: I think that eBay with a hidden reserve would be a better analogy -- you're willing to sell, but, not to just anyone and everyone.  (Well, at least I hope that such is not the case.)

Whichever analogy you prefer. My point is that taking rejection personally is a great recipe for unhappiness. "What's wrong with me?" thinking gives off a reek that everyone can smell, and I think most of us find it deeply unattractive -- so that it becomes a vicious cycle.

Of course, everyone experiences rejection; it's universal. Elliot was a fool; he knew nothing of the sorrow of entering marriage only, after many years of happiness, to find one's spouse in infidelity. That is true rejection, a sorrow that he will never have the opportunity to experience.

I don't know anything about macoleco, the OP, but that first post didn't seem all that psycho or incelish to me.
It didn't sound like he's blaming anyone just describing the situation.
It's shit to not get sex when you really really want it.

As tragic as the incel world is its a rabbit whole I researched for a long time. The memes, the glossary of words they use. Some of the funniest content I've seen in my life comes from that whole community. The memes can be accurate in portraying some stereotypes but if you actually see the world as being full of Chad's, Stacey's, virgins and so on, it doesn't help matters probably.

(December 24, 2022 at 11:45 am)paulpablo Wrote: It's shit to not get sex when you really really want it.

Then he needs to masturbate, just like everyone else.

(December 24, 2022 at 11:45 am)paulpablo Wrote: I don't know anything about macoleco, the OP, but that first post didn't seem all that psycho or incelish to me.
It didn't sound like he's blaming anyone just describing the situation.
It's shit to not get sex when you really really want it.

As tragic as the incel world is its a rabbit whole I researched for a long time. The memes, the glossary of words they use. Some of the funniest content I've seen in my life comes from that whole community. The memes can be accurate in portraying some stereotypes but if you actually see the world as being full of Chad's, Stacey's, virgins and so on, it doesn't help matters probably.

This was not the OP's first post regarding his lack of ability to get laid.

It's a pattern, not a one off.

(December 24, 2022 at 12:40 pm)Jehanne Wrote:

(December 24, 2022 at 11:45 am)paulpablo Wrote: It's shit to not get sex when you really really want it.

Then he needs to masturbate, just like everyone else.

Now now, there's no need to take matters into one's own hands.

(December 24, 2022 at 11:07 am)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:

(December 23, 2022 at 11:45 pm)Jehanne Wrote: I think that eBay with a hidden reserve would be a better analogy -- you're willing to sell, but, not to just anyone and everyone.  (Well, at least I hope that such is not the case.)

Whichever analogy you prefer. My point is that taking rejection personally is a great recipe for unhappiness. "What's wrong with me?" thinking gives off a reek that everyone can smell, and I think most of us find it deeply unattractive -- so that it becomes a vicious cycle.

Taking rejection personally is to be expected. Take a personal inventory.  Be brief, don't tarry. Plan some growth and change if needed, but move on fast. I agree that overpersonalizing things must be avoided. Many things have external causes outside one's control. And, if needy and pathetic were attractive we'd all get laid on our worst days.