Seems your father, while likely somewhat insulted by your statements, can't be bothered answering the points you made (a common trait among the religious, as we've seen here) and just decided to get all cry-baby with his reponses.

My suggestion is give it some time and then try again from a different angle. Don't insult his beliefs or be condescending. Explain your reasons for not being religious anymore.

Unfortunately, as already stated, Mormonism is a really bad cult to get away from, as are the JoHos, and their policy of disfellowship - or whatever the hell it's called - is ingrained deeply into the cult.

elconquistador, I hope that you can eventually sort things out with your father. He's probably not going to change and accept your views but you should not cut off all ties. Just give it time. Your main problem now is getting a new job and a new place sorted. Does your wife feel the same way as you? If so that's the best thing, you can support each other.

(June 3, 2014 at 2:00 pm)Luckie Wrote: OP, I don't think that anyone-- much less Heywood-- could fully comprehend what you've gone through in your lifetime so far. The fact that he isn't up in arms for you screams ignorance of Mormonism in particular, and is a clearcut example of the good ol Christian double standard.

Your father was obviously the protagonist here by responding with anything other than "how are you and wifey?"

Luckie,

If the father were the one telling the story, I would have advice for him too.....like drop the "bringing the family shame" bit. What you are incapable of comprehending is the futility of talking to the father when it is the son that is in front of you.

(June 3, 2014 at 1:37 pm)Heywood Wrote: It doesn't matter if Mormonism deserves to be ridiculed. Ridiculing your dad's beliefs and calling him names isn't an effective tactic at building a relationship with him.

The father is creating an unnecessary problem and instead of being an actual father, he's just being a petty shit. There is no evidence that the father cares about a relationship that's not entirely on his terms.

And that being the case, all Dad deserves is a middle finger.

But are you and your wife OK?

Wishing you both all the best. It isn't easy. Hoping you can build your network of friends and support.

"The best revenge is to live a happy, successful life" just might apply here

(June 3, 2014 at 9:08 pm)Ryantology (╯°◊°)╯︵ ══╬ Wrote:

(June 3, 2014 at 1:37 pm)Heywood Wrote: It doesn't matter if Mormonism deserves to be ridiculed. Ridiculing your dad's beliefs and calling him names isn't an effective tactic at building a relationship with him.

The father is creating an unnecessary problem and instead of being an actual father, he's just being a petty shit. There is no evidence that the father cares about a relationship that's not entirely on his terms.

And that being the case, all Dad deserves is a middle finger.

Giving the father the middle finger is counter productive to the goal of having a relationship with him.

(June 3, 2014 at 9:21 pm)Heywood Wrote: Giving the father the middle finger is counter productive to the goal of having a relationship with him.

So is the dad being an unrepentant jackass who clearly cares more about his stupid religion than his son. Until that changes, it's a total waste of time trying.

(June 3, 2014 at 9:21 pm)Heywood Wrote:

(June 3, 2014 at 9:08 pm)Ryantology (╯°◊°)╯︵ ══╬ Wrote: The father is creating an unnecessary problem and instead of being an actual father, he's just being a petty shit. There is no evidence that the father cares about a relationship that's not entirely on his terms.

And that being the case, all Dad deserves is a middle finger.

Giving the father the middle finger is counter productive to the goal of having a relationship with him.

Some relationships are not worth keeping.

(June 3, 2014 at 9:23 pm)Dragonetti Wrote:

(June 3, 2014 at 9:21 pm)Heywood Wrote: Giving the father the middle finger is counter productive to the goal of having a relationship with him.

Some relationships are not worth keeping.

If the son is not interested in keeping a relationship going with the father, what was the point of this thread? Why didn't the OP title the thread, "I disavowed my douche bag father and here is why".

Its obvious that the son wants to maintain a relationship with his father. However the son is wrong in thinking its all the fathers fault. The father was perfectly willing to talk to the son up until the son called the father a coward and ridiculed his beliefs. Now the son is shocked the father won't engage with him? The son needs to realize that the terms of the relationship are decided by both of them. His father simply isn't going to tolerate the abuse.

The son would have been better off just replying, "If you're going to lay a guilt trip on me, were not going to have a discussion. I love you dad, but I am not going to talk to you on these terms, call me when your able to move past this".

(June 3, 2014 at 9:53 pm)Heywood Wrote: Its obvious that the son wants to maintain a relationship with his father. However the son is wrong in thinking its all the fathers fault. The father was perfectly willing to talk to the son up until the son called the father a coward and ridiculed his beliefs. Now the son is shocked the father won't engage with him? The son needs to realize that the terms of the relationship are decided by both of them. His father simply isn't going to tolerate the abuse.

The father only appears to want to have a relationship with a son who lacks a will of his own, does what he is told, and doesn't voice any contrary opinions in public. OP mentioned several times that this is a longstanding pattern. Yeah, OP obviously does want to have a relationship with his father. He's never going to get it because the father doesn't want it unless it's entirely on his terms. And of course you would think that is entirely acceptable.

Edit: Bolded the part where I called it.