Telling someone to cut ties with a demonstrably abusive parent is always good advice.

The problem of Mormon parents demanding respect from their children is age old, and the only way to break this horrible cycle is for the children to stop fulfilling this unwarranted need for respect. Parents believe they lose all their blessings if a child of their's strays from the fold. This narrow-minded belief makes it nigh impossible for the OP's father to start a discussion that doesn't involve the son's eventual return to the cult.

I'm really sorry to say, regardless of belief, you were bang out of line in my opinion.

That's your Dad mate, he didn't insult your beliefs, you insulted his. He seems more concerned with the fact that you're unemployed.

I haven't agreed with much I've read that Heywood has come out with, but on this score he's right, you need to learn some tact.

(June 3, 2014 at 9:53 pm)Heywood Wrote: If the son is not interested in keeping a relationship going with the father, what was the point of this thread? Why didn't the OP title the thread, "I disavowed my douche bag father and here is why".

Its obvious that the son wants to maintain a relationship with his father. However the son is wrong in thinking its all the fathers fault. The father was perfectly willing to talk to the son up until the son called the father a coward and ridiculed his beliefs. Now the son is shocked the father won't engage with him? The son needs to realize that the terms of the relationship are decided by both of them. His father simply isn't going to tolerate the abuse.

The son would have been better off just replying, "If you're going to lay a guilt trip on me, were not going to have a discussion. I love you dad, but I am not going to talk to you on these terms, call me when your able to move past this".

This makes sense. Also note that Heywood is not bringing religion into the argument. It's just about how people should treat each other.

(June 4, 2014 at 5:01 am)Hoopington Wrote: I'm really sorry to say, regardless of belief, you were bang out of line in my opinion.

That's your Dad mate, he didn't insult your beliefs, you insulted his. He seems more concerned with the fact that you're unemployed.

I haven't agreed with much I've read that Heywood has come out with, but on this score he's right, you need to learn some tact.

"We would love to have had you at the temple with us. Im sorry that you feel that you have to publicly shame your family on Facebook. We still love you and you can always return. His arms are outstretched still. The last thing you mentioned was guilt.... If there is so much guilt, it's because you know you are doing something you should not... And you need to understand the atonement. It covers everything. "

When I read his father's opening comments I can't but read "guilt trip".

Is guilt tripping one's son because of his beliefs really the best way to open your arms to a relationship? Fault appears to be on both sides but I don't think we should absolve the father of some major issues here.

(June 4, 2014 at 5:08 am)Fidel_Castronaut Wrote:

(June 4, 2014 at 5:01 am)Hoopington Wrote: I'm really sorry to say, regardless of belief, you were bang out of line in my opinion.

That's your Dad mate, he didn't insult your beliefs, you insulted his. He seems more concerned with the fact that you're unemployed.

I haven't agreed with much I've read that Heywood has come out with, but on this score he's right, you need to learn some tact.

"We would love to have had you at the temple with us. Im sorry that you feel that you have to publicly shame your family on Facebook. We still love you and you can always return. His arms are outstretched still. The last thing you mentioned was guilt.... If there is so much guilt, it's because you know you are doing something you should not... And you need to understand the atonement. It covers everything. "

Sounds like a good guilt tripping to me.

Right, so we're telling a young guy who's being "guilt tripped" by his religious parents, to what......not have a relationship with them?

Guilt tripped by a believer, whatever next.

(June 4, 2014 at 5:10 am)Hoopington Wrote: Right, so we're telling a young guy who's being "guilt tripped" by his religious parents, to what......not have a relationship with them?

No. Why, are you? I don't remember saying that.

(June 4, 2014 at 5:10 am)Hoopington Wrote: Guilt tripped by a believer, whatever next.

A believer who also happens to be his father.

Again, not willing to absolve the father of anything on this one. Religious beliefs shouldn't matter one iota to a relationship.

This can easy be put right, as far as the OP can do anyway. "He can say dad, I am sorry I got mad and insulted you, and I'd like to have a relationship with you , outside of your religion if you can manage that." The OP is a grown man. He has a wife now and this relationship is far more important to him at the moment. What does she think? Is she atheist too? It sounds like they were forced into marriage. Can they make it work, do they love each other? This is the important thing the OP has to concentrate on.

(June 4, 2014 at 5:12 am)Fidel_Castronaut Wrote:

(June 4, 2014 at 5:10 am)Hoopington Wrote: Right, so we're telling a young guy who's being "guilt tripped" by his religious parents, to what......not have a relationship with them?

No. Why, are you? I don't remember saying that

(June 4, 2014 at 5:10 am)Hoopington Wrote: Guilt tripped by a believer, whatever next.

A believer who also happens to be his father.

Again, not willing to absolve the father of anything on this one. Religious beliefs shouldn't matter one iota to a relationship.

Nor am I Mr Castro, not at all, but your last sentence would only hold true to one who doesn't hold a religious belief, to not understand that is naive in the extreme.

I read the first few pages of reactions to this and was shocked, because someone is religious, or holds a belief we all cannot understand, the mob mentality of most on here was genuinely disturbing. So many judgements and words of wisdom and advice based on an email conversation.... the words "Demonstrably abusive??" Akin to a Muslim and their thoughts on the infidel.

That's his Dad...mine threatened to kick me out of the house, told me to get a job, attempted to blackmail me to get me to do what he want, the only thing missing was a religion, It's what Dad's do.

Quite apart from him wanting to get his son to Church, I also read the concerns of a loving Dad.

There are a couple issues I see people dancing around in their defense of the father:

1. The assumption that he deserves respect instead of earning it.

2. The fact that he chose God above his own kid. For me, this makes 1. all but impossible.

(June 4, 2014 at 5:23 am)Cato Wrote: There are a couple issues I see people dancing around in their defense of the father:

1. The assumption that he deserves respect instead of earning it.

2. The fact that he chose God above his own kid. For me, this makes 1. all but impossible.

The assumptions being made on this thread in general are fucking astounding.