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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 6:55 am
A man was walking down the beach.
Coming the other way seemed to be a man that stopped at the neck.
When he drew level he could see that there was on top of the neck was the tiniest head he'd ever seen.
"what happened to you?" he yelled, he couldn't hold it in.
"well it was my own fault really" squeaked the tiny craniumed man.
"I was walking down the beach last week over there "he gestured.
"And I came across a bottle half buried in the sand, I picked it up and rubbed the dirt off, suddenly smoke billowed from the bottle and standing in front of me was the most beautiful naked women I had ever seen, she had the face of and angel and the body normally seen gracing the centre folds of your classier jazz mag" he paused and gazed into the sky in reverery.
"I will fulfil any wish you desire my lord" she said.
"And I sad" tears welled up in his eyes "How about giving me a little head"
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 8:41 am
(This post was last modified: February 7, 2016 at 8:48 am by FebruaryOfReason.)
In the interests of balance:
Q. How many radical Islamists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Two. I have packed the bulb with explosives. Now go and claim your reward in Heaven, young warrior. I wish I could change the bulb with you, but I am needed here on Earth.
Q. How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. It's true there are gaps in the light, but we have a mechanism for changing the bulb, and that's the important thing.
I must not be nasty. I must not be nasty. I must not be nasty. I must not be nasty. I must not be nasty. I must not be nasty. I must not be nasty. I must not be nasty.
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 9:21 am
If your dog is a lab, you are quite honest when you say they were born in a lab.
If a manta ray or sting ray go to the hospital because they broke a bone, do they get something different as far as treatment?
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 11:05 am
An old classic
Billy Bumpkin from the deep country went to visit his cousin in the big city. He got lost. He knew what a phone was so he called his cousin.
Cousin: well, where are you?
Billy: If I knew were I was I wouldn’t be lost.
Cousin: Well, look down the street and see if you see a street sign to tell you where you are.
So Billy looked down the street and saw a street sign.
Billy: Hey, cousin, I’m out here on the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 11:10 am
Another old classic
This family was concerned about their aunt Harriet who thought she was a chicken. She would walk around clucking and flapping er arms like wings, scratching the dirt, because she thought she was a chicken. Some neighbors suggested they consult a psychiatrist, but they decided not to because they needed the eggs.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 12:04 pm
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office. He's wearing a tutu, cowboy boots, and a top hat with a live weasel clinging to it. In one hand, he's carrying custard (no container, just the custard), and in the other is a rope which he is using to tow a wheeled, wooden unicorn with 'Wilt Thou Kiss Me In The Dark, Baby?' painted on its side. Both of the man's thumbs are dyed electric blue, and he has an eight foot snake wrapped round his neck.
He says, 'Doctor, I need to talk to you about my brother...'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 3:23 pm
Here is one from the net I saw.
"I tried to make a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon".
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 3:28 pm
Take your lame chemistry jokes and Barium.
I am John Cena's hip-hop album.
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 3:47 pm
A U joking! That was gold!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
February 7, 2016 at 3:53 pm
I hate golf. Now don't get me wrong, that is just a personal taste issue with me. It is too slow for my taste. But, I would watch it if they added paintball to it.
The rules would be the competitors could hit you in the arms and back and legs but not the club or ball. I figure if you can still make that put you deserve it.
