Online dating truthers

[J a c k]

I'm a short, out-of-shape, ageing man-child, with a large head and thinning hair, that's quickly turning white, even though I'm not even 40 yet. I'm missing a bunch of teeth, because of bad oral hygiene, sugar-based diet, skating and being a mouthy c*nt, who's not very good at fighting. I'm also poor, awkward in social situations, prone to addiction, self-centered, cynical and a failure at everything. In short - not as much "marriage material", as "suicide pact material"...

I'm looking for a young, rich, smart and charismatic stunner, with a heart of gold, because I heard, that opposites attract...

[CapnAwesome]

Cap'n. I'm still jealous of you.  
Can I be you, please? Afro included.

It's the hairy stomach, isn't it?

[Homeless Nutter]

I'm a short, out-of-shape, ageing man-child, with a large head and thinning hair, that's quickly turning white, even though I'm not even 40 yet. I'm missing a bunch of teeth, because of bad oral hygiene, sugar-based diet, skating and being a mouthy c*nt, who's not very good at fighting. I'm also poor, awkward in social situations, prone to addiction, self-centered, cynical and a failure at everything. In short - not as much "marriage material", as "suicide pact material"...

I'm looking for a young, rich, smart and charismatic stunner, with a heart of gold, because I heard, that opposites attract...

Hmmm... What's funny? It's all true... Except for the suicide pact bit, because I'm probably too much of a coward for that.

[Regina]

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Nick. 22. Bottom. Only here for the curved dick.

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[Whateverist]

I'm a short, out-of-shape, ageing man-child, with a large head and thinning hair, that's quickly turning white, even though I'm not even 40 yet. I'm missing a bunch of teeth, because of bad oral hygiene, sugar-based diet, skating and being a mouthy c*nt, who's not very good at fighting. I'm also poor, awkward in social situations, prone to addiction, self-centered, cynical and a failure at everything. In short - not as much "marriage material", as "suicide pact material"...

I'm looking for a young, rich, smart and charismatic stunner, with a heart of gold, because I heard, that opposites attract...

Gotta dial back the narcissism my friend if you want to find what you're looking for.  Then they ought to flock to you.

[LastPoet]

Big dick available. What? You wanted the truth!

[Exian]

Exian. 30...1? Probably. I get a little freaked out when people know too much about me, and I hate trying to remember who knows what about what, so I keep to myself. That being said, I probably won't reveal too much more. I think keeping a secret is a lost art. I will tell you that the secret to keeping a secret is not caring all that much in the first place. Chances are you won't even feel like you're keeping it. Anywho, don't respond. If you do respond, I'll imagine all the hurdles in the way of actually meeting you and decide it's not worth it, but instead of telling you that, I'll just avoid you. Haha

[pocaracas]

Realistic, no BS, huh?

""
My name is Pedro. That's a portuguese name, although some spanish-speaking people also have it.
I like living in Portugal.
I'm 35... but the hair is getting gray... the sides are going fast.
Got a few scars, one from a hernia surgery, another from sliding along the concrete floor when playing football (that's soccer for you 'murricans).

Speaking of sports... I like playing them, but am not fond of watching them, unless I'm in a group of people watching some meaningful match, like the world cup final, or something...

I'm not picky about what I eat, as long as it's not spicy. I'm very picky about what I drink - give me water or soda or juice and I'll be fine... anything else is wasted on me, no matter how good you think it tastes.

Got hair on all the right places!
And some hair on some wrong places >.<
My back is littered with spots... Need someone with enough imagination to paint numbers next to them and connect the dots to form an image!
Apart from that... I'm just an average joe.... no 6-pack, but someone has recently commented that I look like I've been working out... Not tall, not short, can't do imperial, so... 1.73m tall.
I'm short sighted and not very fond of having stuff in my eyes, so I wear glasses.
I like my hair short and spiky. My beard shaved. And my fingernails trimmed.
These feet are made for walking - I always need to tighten my shoes way more than normal people... don't know why... they're not flat, just skinny and veiny.
Nice muscly legs.... round butt... ohhhh I got another scar at the bottom end of my back.

I'm a simple person who can't play mind games for I take words at their face value, even if I do like to have fun with double entendres.... but I make it obvious.
Naturally trusting and friendly.
Know-it-all who knows nothing.
Smart-ass with a PhD on Physics, but can't remember how to solve a lagrangian.
Google-fu skills get a daily dose of training.
Great sense of humor - always looking for the next laugh!
But don't piss me off.... I don't like to be pissed off... Last time a gadget pissed me off, I punched it to death (no, it wasn't the phone... something way cheaper). Good thing people around me are usually nice.

Got lost more than once on the tvtropes wiki... that just means I've spent way too much time watching tv and movies, so I probably get a lot of the references to pop-culture.

Did I mention portuguese food and cheese?
""

[brewer]

(Ok look. If I'm going to do this you're going to need to stand behind me and walk me through it)

HELLO. MY NAME IS MARK. (what? I don't have to shout? huh? oh, not all caps, got it)

OK. I'm 58 years old, male, wrinkled, partially crippled, impotent with two dogs and I wife. I don't like people much, especially when they are in my yard. (what? I'm not suppose to tell the whole truth? ok)

OK, I'm 56 years old, in fairly good shape and a widower. (ouch, that hurt) Please have pity on me. Even my children won't come around. (now what? still to much, ok)

Hi, I'm 45 years old, a male, rich and looking to a trophy wife. (that should work right?)



(did I get a response yet?)

(is this thing on?)

Hey if you're out there you'll need to type louder, I can't hear you!

Oh screw this, where's the lotion and kleenex.

[The Valkyrie]

I'm Beccs.

You don't want to date me. You won't survive.