joke time

[vulcanlogician]

A guy walks into a bar, takes a seat, and sets a little man playing a piano up on the bar.
"I'll have a beer," he says to the bartender.
"Right away, sir!"... The bartender gets the man a beer and asks if he wants to start a tab. The man says "yes," so the bartender sets the man up with a tab. After all this is done, the bartender approaches the man, and leans against the bar.
"So, what's up with the guy playin' the piano?" he asks.
"Oh funny story," the man replies. "I was on an archeological dig in Arabia when I stumbled upon a dusty old lamp. When I wiped it clean with a rag, a genie appeared and said that he would grant me a single wish."
"Isn't it three wishes?" the bartender asked.
"No. Just one. I don't really think this particular genie is all that good," the man said.
"Well, I suppose one wish is better than none, though right?" said the bartender.
"I guess," the man said. After pausing a moment the man said, "Hey! I still have the lamp. Do you wanna give it a try?"
"Would I?" said the bartender, "Absolutely!"
"Here" the man said, handing the bartender the lamp.
Overjoyed, the bartender excitedly rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared before him in a puff of smoke. 
"I will grant you a single wish," said the genie, "What shall it be?"
"I wish for a million bucks!" exclaimed the bartender. And there it was....... in his bar..... a million ducks, quacking loudly and shitting all over the place.
"What the fuck!?" said the bartender, "I said a million bucks, not a million ducks!"
The man said: "Do you think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?"

[Haipule]

Moses and Jesus are hangin' out remembering the old days when Moses parts the Red Sea for old times sake. Jesus then walks on water and sinks. Moses says, "last time you didn't have those holes in your feet!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Saw a news item about a doctor who routinely slept with his patients.  I didn't think much of it til I found out the man was a vet.

Boru

[Brian37]

Saw a news item about a doctor who routinely slept with his patients.  I didn't think much of it til I found out the man was a vet.

Boru

Wonder if his favorite position was "doggy style"?

[onlinebiker]

Saw a news item about a doctor who routinely slept with his patients.  I didn't think much of it til I found out the man was a vet.

Boru

Wonder if his favorite position was "doggy style"?

If he goes for a change-up does he do it " people style?"

[Brian37]

How does anyone know it is "hyperbole". I have yet to see any national standard of testing like alcohol and breathalyzers.

[ignoramus]

Three ladies were on a bus stop bench. One of the ladies looks at the other and asks her if she is Native American, She says, "Yes, I'm Arapaho." "Is that so?" says the first, "It just happens that I'm a Navajo." The third lady looks at both of them and says, "I'm a Dallas Hoe!

[Private]

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” 
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.

---

Father: “Son, you were adopted
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

---

[Brian37]

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” 
Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.

---

Father: “Son, you were adopted
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

---

EDIT..... DAMNED PIC didn't take.

The guy who made this "Rambo Kitty" is an atheist, used to talk to him on other websites long ago.

[Fireball]

50 Shades of Grey for Seniors
Back and forth . . .
In and out . . .
In and out . . .
A little to the right . . .
A little to the left . . .
She could feel the sweat on her forehead . . .
Between her breasts . . .
And, trickling down the small of her back . . .
She was getting near to the end.
He was in ecstasy . . .
With a huge smile on his face as his wife moved . . .
Forwards then backwards . . .
Forward then backward . . .
Again . . .
And again . . .
Her heart was pounding now . .
Her face was flushed . . .
She moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . .
Finally . . .
Totally exhausted, she let out a piercing scream . . .
“OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can’t parallel park. You do it!”