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Current time: December 15, 2024, 3:42 pm
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joke time
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 RE: joke time
November 22, 2018 at 6:32 am
(This post was last modified: November 22, 2018 at 6:37 am by ignoramus.)
I have one thing to say to the invalid who stole my camouflage army jacket: You can hide, bro, but you can't run!
What's the plural of beer? Adam comes home late one night. Eve stares at him with rolling pin in hand and asks: Where have you been? Have you been seeing another woman? Deeerrrr ..... Noooooooo!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear. 
An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.
The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels. One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's going on? The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer." "What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute." The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?" 
First dog: "I heard a great joke today."
Second dog, "Tell me. I love jokes!" First dog, "Knock, kn-" Second dog: Goes off his fucking nut barking. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"  RE: joke time
November 23, 2018 at 5:31 pm
(This post was last modified: November 23, 2018 at 5:32 pm by Brian37.)
True story. Just today I got a cab to go to the grocery story, she dropped me off at home after, and backed into my trash can backing out of my driveway. One of those big plastic ones the county waste management gives you. It was empty and she didn't knock it over but I joked, "Hey, you know how much I paid for that? That is a Ming Dynasty trash can. That is a Faberge trash can."
Son comes home and tells his father, ‘I got kicked out of school today, Dad.’
‘What the hell for??’ ‘I convinced one of the girls in class to wank me off.’ ‘Jaysus, that’s the third school this year! Maybe teaching isn’t the right job for you.’ Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
(November 25, 2018 at 1:41 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Son comes home and tells his father, ‘I got kicked out of school today, Dad.’ "You have to go to school!" "I don't wanna go to school! The kids all hate me. The staff all hate me. They'te always picking on me!" "But you have to go to school. You're the principal!" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
One day in the water molecule, Oxygen says to the two Hydrogen atoms, "Hey, I think each of you stole one of my electrons" to which the Hydrogen atoms responded, "Are you positive?"
"You don't need facts when you got Jesus." -Pastor Deacon Fred, Landover Baptist Church
™: True Christian is a Trademark of the Landover Baptist Church. I have no affiliation with this fine group of True Christians ™ because I can't afford their tithing requirements but would like to be. Maybe someday the Lord will bless me with enough riches that I am able to. And for the lovers of Poe, here's your winking smiley: 
I thought of a novel way to ask a girl out.
Just above my arse I wrote, 'will you go out with me', and then added a 'yes' or 'no' box on each cheek. I walked up to the girl I like, pulled down my pants and handed her a pen. It looks like I'm in with a chance because she went for 'maybe'. |
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