joke time

[vulcanlogician]

Apologies in advance for an esoteric joke. But this is one of my favorites.

***

One night, at a prestigious university the heads of all the departments had a meeting. About halfway through the meeting, there was a flash of brilliant light, and an angel appeared, floating over the table in front of the chair of the philosophy department.

"I will grant you one of the following," she said, "You can have 30 million dollars, unsurpassed good looks, or infinite wisdom."

Of course, being a philosopher, the professor said, "I want infinite wisdom."

"Granted," the angel said and then disappeared in a flash of light. 

Though outwardly the same in appearance, those at the meeting agreed that the professor appeared to be somehow transformed.

As the angel's flash of light faded, the professor just sat there, staring off into the distance. 

After this had gone on for some time, one of the professor's colleagues prodded him..."Say something!"

And, still staring off into the distance, the professor said... "I shoulda took the money."

[Cod]

I was at the bank today. An old lady asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

My girlfriend called me immature.. I told her to get out of my treehouse.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Q:  How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to change the bulb and one to steady the cock.  I mean father.  I mean ladder. Dammit.

Boru

[ignoramus]

---

[Brian37]

Line from the old 1980s detective/comedy "Moonlighting".

David, as usual gets into a fight with Maddie over the sell of the detective agency, ends up depressed at a bar.

Bartender asks him what he will have and he responds, "Bloody Mary, easy on the blood, heavy on the Mary."

[Brian37]

I was just watching another episode of the Bad cop spoof of Dirty Harry comedy "Sledgehammer," they end up in his apartment and the camera pans down to a magazine on his coffee table titled, "Better Homes and Missiles".

[The Valkyrie]

I was just watching another episode of the Bad cop spoof of Dirty Harry comedy "Sledgehammer," they end up in his apartment and the camera pans down to a magazine on his coffee table titled, "Better Homes and Missiles".

Vigilante cops, "We want you to join our group who believe in righting wrongs through force and agression."

Hammer: "I'm already a registered republican."

[A. Secular Human]

The divorce court judge is admonishing Mickey Mouse:

"Mr. Mouse, you need to have more compassion for the differently-abled! Suing Minnie Mouse for divorce because she is 'crazy' is completely unacceptable!"

Mickey's response:

"Ha ha! I'm not filing for divorce because she's 'crazy'! It's because she's fucking Goofy!"

[ignoramus]

^

[vulcanlogician]

Richard Feynman said: "Physics is to mathematics as sex is to masturbation"

Student : "So you're saying both fields are good, but without an attempt to understand the universe, the search for deeper mathematical truth is empty?"

Professor : "I'm saying you'll spend most of undergrad doing math."