joke time

[no one]

What has 4 arms and 1 arm?






A happy pitbull.

[Brian37]

Just read this one on Twitter.

" A man sued an airline for losing his luggage. Sadly he lost his case."

[The Valkyrie]

What has 4 arms and 1 arm?






A happy pitbull.

What's black and brown and looks good on a Trump supporter?

An angry Rottweiller.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Pornography poses a great societal danger. It gives young people an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how long it takes a plumber to get to your house.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Pornography poses a great societal danger. It gives young people an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how long it takes a plumber to get to your house.

Boru

And an over abundance of guys who want to become pizza delivery boys...

[Darinda]

A priest conducts a service in a church “The person who puts the most in the church collection box can choose three hymns” he says
The collection box comes back to him after being filled up and he finds that someone has donated a thousand pounds “who has donated a thousand pounds?” he asks.
A woman raises her hand. The priest invites her to the front and tells her to choose three hymns. Pointing at the three most handsome men in the church she says “I’ll have him,him and him”

[Brian37]

A priest conducts a service in a church “The person who puts the most in the church collection box can choose three hymns” he says
The collection box comes back to him after being filled up and he finds that someone has donated a thousand pounds “who has donated a thousand pounds?” he asks.
A woman raises her hand. The priest invites her to the front and tells her to choose three hymns. Pointing at the three most handsome men in the church she says “I’ll have him,him and him”

You need to be shot 10 times, then once every five mintutes after. Meaning that was so bad it was "groan" silly good.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Father Mike is giving his nth sermon on the evils of drink, and is getting a little cross.

'I have TOLD you and TOLD you about the dangers of the Devil's brew,' he tells the congregation, 'and it's plain I've not gotten through to you. So today, I'm going to give you a practical demonstration.

'Here on my pulpit, I have two glasses - one with water, the other with whiskey. And this' - he holds it up - 'is an ordinary earthworm from my own garden. Now watch, watch carefully. I put the worm into the water. Look at him! He's happy as can be! Doing wee somersaults and twirls. I take him out and look - he's still alive!

'But now, oh now...I put him in the whiskey, the very stuff that's destroyed so many lives and families. I take him out and behold! He's DEAD. Now, I ask you all, what is the lesson we can take away from this?'

The church is silent for a few moments, when a little old fella in the front pew stands up and says,

---

'If ye drink whiskey, ye'll niver git worms!'

---

Boru

[purplepurpose]

God is perfect and just.

[Darinda]

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn’t find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.
It read: “Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her rear was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 …please advise”
The old man faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap”