joke time

[Brian37]

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

Didn't see that one coming.

[Darinda]

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one.
“Well, not exactly.” his friend replied, “she’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”
“Well, not exactly – I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.”

[Brian37]

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” asked the one.
“Well, not exactly.” his friend replied, “she’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”
“Well, not exactly – I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.”

This is why my x wife left me.

[A. Secular Human]

I watched the deleted scene from a porn movie last night.

He did fix the washing machine, after all.

That must have been difficult...with her having her arms stuck in it, while wearing a short skirt and no bloomers.

Has to be a front loader, though.

[vulcanlogician]

I never got a chance - but dad did - he got a few flights in a P51.. Said it was a handful. Full right rudder and steer with the throttle (engine torque) until the tail lifts.

In my 20s I had a 98 Mustang GT. I figgin' loved that car.

But when you really hit the gas, that thing would lift up, almost like you were driving on ice. It was an unsettling (but fun) feeling. Since I live in the Appalachians the thing was basically garaged during winter. (So, no actual driving on ice.)

[Fireball]

I watched the deleted scene from a porn movie last night.

He did fix the washing machine, after all.

That must have been difficult...with her having her arms stuck in it, while wearing  a short skirt and no bloomers.

Has to be a front loader, though.

Not if she has long enough legs, or if he uses a step stool. Porn is all kinds of crazy, so why not? Last porn movie i "watched" was when one of my younger sisters got married, and the brother-in-law to be's brother hosted his bachelor party. That's got to be back in the '80s. Nasty videos that I said might as well have some real music played instead of the kazoos, which switch was made. I used to work for a living (mechanic) in those days, so I went home before the stripper showed up. I'm told by my brothers that when she showed up, my BiL to be left the room. Smart move, given that two of his wife-to-be's brothers were in the room. I hear all kinds of shit went on, and I'm certainly glad that the BiL to be left the room. I'd've done the same.

[The Valkyrie]

Performance reviews at work today.

My boss told me I have two faults.

I don't listen and something else.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I asked my North Korean friend how things were over there and he said he couldn't complain.

Boru

[Fake Messiah]

A limbless woman is sitting on the beach crying as a man approaches her.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“I’ve never been hugged before...” she responds.

The man hugs her and she stops crying for a second. Then the man walks away and the woman continues crying.

A little while later, a second man approaches and asks the woman what the matter is.

“I’ve never been kissed before.” She tells him.

The man kisses her and she stops crying briefly before he too walks away.

Eventually, a third man approaches her and, again, asks her what the matter is.

“I’ve never been fucked before.” She says.

The man stops and thinks for a second before scooping her up and throwing her into the ocean waves.

“There, now you’re fucked.”

[The Valkyrie]

God inventing ducks, "Yes, a waterproof chicken with a kazoo."