Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
September 15, 2021 at 9:16 pm
Chris and Pat are in their residence listening to the neighbor’s dog, who has been barking for hours and hours.
Finally, Chris jumps up and says, “I’ve had enough of this!”
He rushes downstairs and a bit of time passes before he finally returns.
Pat says, “The dog is still barking, What have you been doing?”
Chris says, “I’ve put the dog in our backyard. Let’s see how they like it!”
Posts: 35312
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
September 16, 2021 at 3:45 am
If Schroedinger's funeral was open casket, it probably wasn't as intrigueing for philosophers as it could have been...
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 16, 2021 at 4:30 am
Since Holy water destroys vampires, it seems that all a priest would have to do is bless a rain cloud. Any vampires outdoors would be dealt with. This explains why most vampires are European -
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 16, 2021 at 6:59 am
A woman is in bed with her lover, who also happens to be her husband’s best friend. During a break from the rumpy-pumpy, the phone rings and the woman answers it. Her lover can only hear her side of the conversation.
‘Hello?…Oh, hi!…How are you?…Really! That’s wonderful!…I’m so happy for you…Sounds great!…Ok, we’ll talk again soon…Bye now.’
When she hangs up, her lover asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘My husband. He called to tell me what a great time he’s having on his fishing trip with you.’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
September 16, 2021 at 9:41 am
A secretary walked into her boss’s office and said, “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you.”
“Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained. “Tell me some good news for once.”
“Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary. “You’re not sterile.”
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 17, 2021 at 5:50 pm
Last 25 January, I was admitted to hospital with a case of food poisoning after eating haggis, neeps and tatties.
Fortunately, they have an excellent Burns unit.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
September 17, 2021 at 7:33 pm
A robber breaks into a house and ties up the woman and man.
The robber asks where the jewels are and the guy responds with: “I’ll give you everything! Please, let her go…”
Robber: “I only care about the jewels! I won’t hurt you if you give me what I want…”
Guy: “I BEG you, let her go!”
Robber: “Wow, you must really love your wife…”
Guy: “What? Oh no, my wife is about to get home!”
Posts: 35312
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
September 17, 2021 at 10:13 pm
A friend got a vasectomy because he didn't want kids.
But when he got home the little bastards were still there!
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
September 18, 2021 at 4:47 am
Four engineers are in a car that won't start.
Mechanical engineer: 'It's a broken starter.'
Electrical engineer: 'It's a dead battery.'
Chemical engineer: 'It's impurities in the petrol.'
IT engineer: 'Hey, guys, I have an idea - let's all get out and get back in again.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
September 18, 2021 at 11:55 am
An older couple wakes up in the morning and the husband looks over at his wife and says, ” Wow! You wouldn’t believe the dream I had…”
The wife replies, “Yes, go on tell me.”
So the husband says “I had a dream that you left me after 20 years of being married.”
The wife says, “Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare.”
The husband says, “No, I am sure it was a dream.”
