Posts: 46322
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
April 20, 2022 at 3:10 am
Every human culture, without exception, has invented some version of a knife, some form of bread, and some method of fermentation. This proves that there is a basic human need to stab someone and then relax with a sandwich and a beer.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
April 20, 2022 at 11:17 am
(This post was last modified: April 20, 2022 at 11:18 am by Darinda.)
A woman walks into a Ferrari dealership. She browses around, then spots the car of her dreams. She walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the leather upholstery, a small fart escapes her. Extremely embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed, and hopes a salesperson doesn’t pop up right now. But as she turns back, they’re standing next to her is a handsome young salesman.
“Good day Madam, how may I help you?”
Very uncomfortable, she asks, “Sir, what is the price of this fabulous vehicle?”
He answers, “Madam, I’m afraid I can’t say. If you farted just touching it, you’re going to crap yourself when you hear the price.”
(April 20, 2022 at 3:10 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Every human culture, without exception, has invented some version of a knife, some form of bread, and some method of fermentation. This proves that there is a basic human need to stab someone and then relax with a sandwich and a beer.
Boru
👌
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
April 21, 2022 at 1:01 pm
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?” asks the cop.
“I’m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”
“Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”
Posts: 17124
Threads: 462
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation:
30
RE: joke time
April 21, 2022 at 1:49 pm
A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Posts: 46322
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
April 22, 2022 at 5:09 am
After years of get togethers at the local pub, a man announces to his two best mates that he's a woman trapped in a man's body and that he's applied for gender reassignment surgery.
Months later, she reappears at the bar. Her friends congratulate her on her appearance and begin questioning her about the surgery.
'Brave of you to have your willy cut off,' says one. 'Was that the most painful part of the operation?'
'No, not really,' she answers.
'Surely then,' says the second friend, 'it was having your balls cut off.'
'Well, that was painful, but not the worst part of it,' she replies.
'Wow, cutting off you willy wasn't the most painful, cutting off your bollocks wasn't the most painful...what WAS?'
'Having my salary cut in half.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 2501
Threads: 158
Joined: April 19, 2013
Reputation:
19
RE: joke time
April 23, 2022 at 4:17 am
Christians say that atheism wont lead to anything good. But I disagree. I have became a simp under atheism.
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
April 23, 2022 at 5:46 pm
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
Posts: 46322
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
April 23, 2022 at 5:52 pm
(April 23, 2022 at 5:46 pm)Darinda Wrote: A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
Reminds me of:
A man sits down for breakfast at the local diner and tells the waitress, ‘I’d like to start with a cup of cold, day-old coffee, then two slices of burn toast, couple of over-cooked eggs, and some underdone bacon.’
Shocked, the waitress says, ‘Sir, we can’t serve you food like that!’
‘Why not? You did yesterday.’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46322
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
April 24, 2022 at 5:10 am
I once gave a homeless guy $5. An old lady passed by and said I shouldn't do that, because he would just spend the money on drugs. I was so outraged that I confronted the homeless man and asked - nay, DEMANDED - that he tell me where I could also go to get drugs for $5.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
April 24, 2022 at 7:34 am
Wife: “What are you doing?”
Husband: “Nothing.”
Wife: “Nothing? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”
Husband: “I was looking for the expiration date.”
|