joke time

[A. Secular Human]

I found out that if you work at an Indian restaurant, you have to sign a legal document promising not to share their flatbread recipe.

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It's a standard naan disclosure agreement.

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Boru

BADUMP TSCH!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Why do Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs?

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Because they’re Inca hoots.

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Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Why do Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs?

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Because they’re Inca hoots.

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Boru

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[A. Secular Human]

Why do Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs?

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Because they’re Inca hoots.

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Boru

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Perchance, written by Georgia O'Keeffe?

[purplepurpose]

Inspirational people: "You should never give up. Strive towards what makes you happy".

Me: "Drugs, crime, hookers HERE I COME and I will never give you up!!!!!!!!!!".

[pgrimes15]

In modern times Lance is quite an unusual name.
Unlike the olden days when they used Lance a lot.

[The Valkyrie]

Mad Mary was zooming around the asylum in her wheelchair.

She was stopped by Dave, who asked her for her drivers licence.

Mad Mary laughed and zoomed away around the corner.

There, she was stopped by Crazy Karl who asked to see her registration.

Mad Mary laughed and zoomed away around the corner.

There, she was stopped by Pervy Pete, who had his pants around his ankles and a huge erection.

"Oh no," said Mad Mary, "not the breathalyser again!"

[The Valkyrie]

When I was younger I was dragged along to one of those baptisms where you walk into a river and get dunked in.

When it was my turn, I walked into the river, the priest shouted. "I bless you in the name of Jesus!" and dunked my head under.

After a moment, he pulled me up again and said, "Did you see Lord Jesus?"

"No," I replied.

So he shouted again, "I bless you in the name of Jesus!", and dunked my head under for 30 seconds.

"Did you See Lord Jesus this time?"

"No," I replied.

He shouted even more loudly, "I bless you in the name of Jesus!, and pushed me under and held me under the water for over a minute.

When he pulled me up again, he shouted, "Did you see Lord Jesus?"

"No," I replied. "Are you sure this is where the prick fell in?"

[The Valkyrie]

My friend Wally just got back from three months in the States.

Wally is a traditional Aboriginal hunter and hunts with a boomerang.

Anyway, he was invited by a group of American hunters to help them hunt grizzly bears.

They showed up at the cabin with rifles, shotguns, AR15s, and dressed in body-armour and cammo gear.

Wally showed up wearing a flip-flop, shorts, and his trusty boomerang.

One hunter looked at him and said, "hey, buddy, you've lost a flip-flop!"

"Nah," replied Wally, ,"I found one!"

"You can't go hunting grizzlys with a stick!"

"Nah, this is a boomerang. It's only a stick if it doesn't come back."

"Well, usually we hunt in pairs.:

"I always hunt alone," ssid Wally. And before anyone could protest, he left the cabin.

The Americans were surprised and didn't know what to do


So they waited.

An hour passed and there was no sign of Wally.

"Fuck," said one of the hunter "That Aussie's gone and got hisself killed. We better go and find him."

Just as they picked up their rifles, they heard a loud growling and a voice shouting, "open the fucking door!"

They looked out the cabin window and saw Wally running towards the cabin, pursued by a very pissed grizzly bear with an obvious lump on its head.

"Open the fucking door! Open the fucking door!"

So the hunters opened the cabin door to let Wally in.

But, at the last moment, Wally side-stepped and the bear rushed into the cabin.

"You fellas take care of him and I'll go find another one," Wally shouted as he ran back into the trees.

[Fake Messiah]

Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?

No sun.