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RE: joke time
November 5, 2014 at 12:39 pm
A friend of Mr and Mrs Dunn was going to London. Mr Dunn asked him to check on his son Neally that lives in London, cause he was worried about him. He didn't wrote to him in a long time.
Mr Dunn's friend agreed ofcourse and asked where does he live.
Mr Dunn said that the address is Londond WC1.
So when he arrived in London, he was going through the airport and he saw the door with the "WC" on it. He went in... and there were another couple of doors.
He knocked on the first one and said...
- Excuse me, are you Neally Dunn?
The voice from the other side answered...
- Yes, but i can't find any paper.
The guy replied...
- That shouldn't be an excuse for not writing to your parents.
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RE: joke time
November 5, 2014 at 7:57 pm
Why did the pervert cross the road?
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
November 5, 2014 at 9:02 pm
One morning a navy ship captain receives a message that the mother of one of his crew died.
He calls his first officer over and says, "Seaman McNally's mother has just died and I want you to break the news."
"Yes sir!" says the first officer.
So he gathers the crew on deck in neat rows and shouts, "McNally! Your mother is dead. Dismissed!"
The captain, not surprisingly is shocked about the way it was done and summons his first officer to his office. "How can you be so heartless? I don't want you ever to break tragic news to any crewmen like that again!"
Chastised, the first officer returns to his cabin.
A couple of days later the captain receives news that Seaman Hopkin's father has died and calls his first officer to his office.
"Seaman Hopkins' father has just died and I want you to break it to him. But remember what I said about just blurting it out."
"Yes, sir!" replies the first officer.
So, once again he gathers the crew on deck in neat rows.
Then with a loud voice he says, "All those with a father, step forward! Not so fast, Hopkins!"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
November 6, 2014 at 3:49 am
My wife took out a restraining order on me stating that I was mentally unstable.
I immediately wrote a sternly worded letter protesting my innocence.
Unfortunately I couldn't find a pen so I wrote it on the wall in my own shit.
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RE: joke time
November 6, 2014 at 10:39 am
(This post was last modified: November 6, 2014 at 10:40 am by ManMachine.)
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a scotch. “How much?”, the electron asks. The bartender replies: “For you, no charge”.
"The greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions" - Leonardo da Vinci
"I think I use the term “radical” rather loosely, just for emphasis. If you describe yourself as “atheist,” some people will say, “Don’t you mean ‘agnostic’?” I have to reply that I really do mean atheist, I really do not believe that there is a god; in fact, I am convinced that there is not a god (a subtle difference). I see not a shred of evidence to suggest that there is one ... etc., etc. It’s easier to say that I am a radical atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal, and that it’s an opinion I hold seriously." - Douglas Adams (and I echo the sentiment)
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RE: joke time
November 6, 2014 at 3:20 pm
True story.
A friend in Oz, about 6 months ago read one of my rants about the idiocy of creationists, particularly Ken Ham, Ray Comfort and the creation "museum".
She wouldn't believe me and after our discussion, and doing some research online she decided to see if she could get a book on it.
So she went into a bookshop and asked for a book by Ken Ham.
The salesperson was apparently shocked and said, "You're a creationist?"
My friend, Jess, was taken aback and said, "Do I LOOK that stupid?"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
November 6, 2014 at 8:59 pm
I phoned my boss this morning and told him I wouldn't be going into work because my car wouldn't start.
He said "What about the bus?"
I said "I haven't got a bus."
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
November 6, 2014 at 9:11 pm
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he got three grand from Claims Direct
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
November 7, 2014 at 2:07 am
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.
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RE: joke time
November 7, 2014 at 9:09 am
Just found out my wife has multiple personality disorder.
Just my luck, not one of them likes giving blowjobs.
