I can see you believe your situation to be nearly hopeless, I do not believe it is. For one thing cheese can never be cut to thick, I always cut it thick. 
On the serious side, you seem to be quite intelligent, why not sit down and think things through the same way you respond with your post, they are thought out and well written, sit down and write to yourself as if you were responding to someone else. Read it and consider both sides of what you wrote, I think you'll find your answers. I'll say a pray for you, I know you do not believe it will do any good, but it can't hurt and like I told Rhonda I just can't help what comes naturally, best hopes.
GC
On the serious side, you seem to be quite intelligent, why not sit down and think things through the same way you respond with your post, they are thought out and well written, sit down and write to yourself as if you were responding to someone else. Read it and consider both sides of what you wrote, I think you'll find your answers. I'll say a pray for you, I know you do not believe it will do any good, but it can't hurt and like I told Rhonda I just can't help what comes naturally, best hopes.GC
God loves those who believe and those who do not and the same goes for me, you have no choice in this matter. That puts the matter of total free will to rest.
