The Way Life Is

[Edwardo Piet]

The way life is is that although we sometimes share commonalities, it is ultimately different for everyone.

For me, it is like this.

When I was 18 there was a family crisis and I struggled for 7 years with my mental health whilst on medication.

Finally I made a full recovery and had my first and so far only ever girlfriend at 25. We broke up after a year and four months of being together.

It turns out that after seven years of mental health difficulties my psychiatrist said that what it is is that I get breakdowns because I just happen to be the sort of person who is particularly prone to stress and breakdowns. Apparently I had been misdiagnosed with Bi-Polar Affective Disorder, type one ( formerly manic depression) for seven years but my symptoms were so severe for so long that it was justified in medicating me with drugs such as Lithium.

So I was signed off as well after seven years.

When it comes to life skills I am still as hopeless as I have ever been. When I use a hoover I break it. When I cook I burn it. When I cut cheese it is too thick. When I go out by myself I get lost. When I wash up I soak the towels used to dry the dishes up and I use too much washing up liquid. I need to be shown how to operate a washing machine over and over. When I shower or bathe the floor always gets soaked. For years I couldn't make my own bed and I still struggle and last time it took 45 minutes and I didn't even do it quite right.

I don't have an explanation for or compensation for why I am like this.

Despite being signed off as no longer 'ill' I was told that I was still not quite fit for work yet since as I am so prone to stress as it is, a paid job may pretty much guarantee a breakdown.

By the way after spliting up with my girlfriend I am still offically down as living her despite fleeing to my brother's due to her being impossible to live with, I now owe rent for a home I am no longer living at, I was on a joint claim with her, I informed jobcentre that I needed the claim changing to single, I recieved a late and overdue letter informing me far too late that all my money was suddenly stopping because I am changing my benefit to single claim despite being down as offically living with my gf still.

Even though I explained that I am not actually living there and am only down as living there offically because housing advised me to do so, so that I am not seen as making myself intentionally homeless.

Because, after all I have a joint tenancy and every right to co-habit with my ex-gf but I can't because she is impossible to live with and I am easy to manipulate.

So, I think I may have a breakdown fairly soon if this highly personal post isn't already the beginning of one.

I think. I am. Fucked.

EvF

[Godscreated]

I can see you believe your situation to be nearly hopeless, I do not believe it is. For one thing cheese can never be cut to thick, I always cut it thick.  On the serious side, you seem to be quite intelligent, why not sit down and think things through the same way you respond with your post, they are thought out and well written, sit down and write to yourself as if you were responding to someone else. Read it and consider both sides of what you wrote, I think you'll find your answers. I'll say a pray for you, I know you do not believe it will do any good, but it can't hurt and like I told Rhonda I just can't help what comes naturally, best hopes.

GC

[Faith No More]

Evie, I've been wracking my brain to try to think of the right response to this, but I can't think of it. We've been through some similar issues, so I hope I could help. I think perhaps it would be best to send me a PM if you really want to talk.

[KevinM1]

Is your psychiatrist teaching you coping methods so you don't suffer these breakdowns so often/at all?  Because it really sounds like there are two things at play:

1. You simply don't know how to cope with things in a positive way.  Coping is usually a skill learned from experience.  Go through bad stuff, experience it and the aftermath, learn to predict and handle what comes the next time bad stuff pops up.  But, a lot of times people learn self-destructive ways of coping.

2. It sounds like you might self-sabotage.  If you go through life expecting that everything will fail, you'll find a way to make your prediction come true.  If you keep telling yourself that you're hopeless/helpless, you'll wind up believing it.  That's part of depression.  It's partially a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You have the power to change your life.  You really do.  If your psychiatrist sucks, try to get a new one.  Figure out low stress ways to earn money.  Don't freak out that you've only had one girlfriend.  That says to me that you're more interested in a long term relationship than meaningless flings, which is a good thing.  Watch cooking shows, or buy cookbooks.  Keep trying.  Yeah, you might fail, things might go bad, but not doing anything to help yourself move forward is guaranteed to make you fail.

And failure isn't bad if you learn from it.  And, in my experience in failing a lot in life, both personally and professionally, there's always something to learn from failure.  Sometimes t's something to do about our actions, sometimes it's something to do about our character, but there's always something.  And as embarrassing as failure can be, it's not something to be afraid of in the vast majority of cases.  Unless you're in a high risk profession (doctor, military, whatever) no one's going to die if you cut some cheese too thick or too thin.

Take a deep breath.  Realize that you're an intelligent person who cares about things.  And keep going.  You got this.

[Pyrrho]

Since you are in the UK, how are your visits to professionals going?  Are you finding psychiatrists or psychologists helpful?  Is your doctor aware of your situation?  Perhaps he or she could help you deal with your situation in some way, or direct you to someone who can.

Since I am an American and have never so much as set foot in Britain, I cannot give very specific advice as I do not know how things work there.  But I think talking with your doctor about your situation might be helpful.


Also, your writing in your post is quite clear, so you are not completely hopeless at all of life's skills.

[Longhorn]

I don't know shit, but fortunately you've already got some great advice. Just know that if you need to talk, you can hit me up anytime.

In the meantime, have an internet hug *hug*

[Aroura]

What everyone else said.

About your life skills, you will learn. It just takes time.

This too shall pass.

[Kingpin]

Eve,

I cannot begin to understand your personal sufferings. I have known others with similar struggles, but having dealt with them personally it is difficult to give advice. Just know that you are not alone. There are a tremendous amount of people that care for your well being including those here on this forum and I believe every one of us will be here for you in any we can. Putting it down is a great first step and you are certainly far from being completely incapable. I also extend the invitation to reach out via PM for anything. Head up my friend.

[Edwardo Piet]

Thanks to all for your support and efforts and good intentions.

I am self-destructive and I do self-sabotage. It is how I react to frustration when I am absolutely desperate. I guess it makes me feel less powerless to cause my own problems. Trouble is I always regret it big style afterwards and get mad at myself for being an idiot.

I was signed off as well so I have no Psychatrist anymore and I would only get one if I had another major mental breakdown.

I used to have comunitity psychratric nurses, support workers, social workers and Occupational therapists too, none of that anymore.

[Pyrrho]

Thanks to all for your support and efforts and good intentions.

I am self-destructive and I do self-sabotage. It is how I react to frustration when I am absolutely desperate. I guess it makes me feel less powerless to cause my own problems. Trouble is I always regret it big style afterwards and get mad at myself for being an idiot.

I was signed off as well so I have no Psychatrist anymore and I would only get one if I had another major mental breakdown.

I used to have comunitity psychratric nurses, support workers, social workers and Occupational therapists too, none of that anymore.

Are you saying that you cannot make an appointment to see one until after you are diagnosed as having a mental problem?