I called a friend who is a believer...

[henryp]

I "came out" to one of my best friends last Sunday about my non-belief.  She seemed understanding but very concerned.  We talked for about 3 hours and then parted ways.  Tonight I called her because I was concerned about how she was taking the news.  She became emotional and started preaching to me about how I was like Adam in the Garden of Eden, who didn't want to submit to God, so I've been thrown out of the Garden and now I can no longer hear God's voice.  She said that Jesus Christ is my only answer now, and that I would never have my questions answered until I submitted to Jesus Christ because he's the only way back to God.  I calmly listened and then said, "Ok well thanks for the witnessing", then politely said goodnight.  

I know she means well but it still hurts because I feel like our relationship is irrevocably broken.  I explained in depth why I began to struggle and question my beliefs, but she did not acknowledge the rationality behind this.  The idea is that I'm completely to blame for my failure to believe, that I'm unreasonable for asking God to show himself to me, and now I'm the only one who can repair my relationship with God by throwing myself at Jesus' feet.  I told her that I didn't want anything to change between us but she said that she couldn't promise it wouldn't, but she's praying for me.  

She told me that she had always looked up to me, but now I only feel the judgment.

Empathize a bit instead of making this all about you and things look a little different.

1) If she cares about you, she doesn't want you to go to hell, or damage your soul, or whatever it is non-belief does to a person in whatever sect you two are coming from.  From her perspective, you are putting yourself in harms way, and it would really odd for her to 'be cool' about it.  "Oh, you're going to spend eternity burning in a pit of fire?  That's cool.  Want to go get some fries?"  

Based on your title there of former 'conservative christian', I'm guessing you guys got the hardcore stuff.  When you were a believer, what would your reaction have been to finding out someone you cared about was putting their soul or whatever in eternal danger?  She's sad and worried and scared for you.  If she wasn't, you should be worried.

2) Will you be the same person?  Do you think going from christian conservative to non-believer means you get rid of God, and everything else stays exactly the same?  That's the case for a lot of people, but neither of you know who exactly you will be when the dust has settled.  You may not be compatible anymore depending on how much else you reject that you previously believed.

3) Going forward, who knows.  The burden has been placed on her (not your fault).  You get to be who you want to be, and she's the one who has to change, possibly in a way that she doesn't want to, or is very difficult for her, or maybe even a way that is impossible.  She has to do all the work to save the friendship here.  And you should know exactly how hard that will be given you used to think the same things as her.

But it sounds like she's going to give it a whirl.  So instead of whining, acknowledge the large undertaking that she is going through in an effort to remain your friend.  Maybe give patient and understanding a shot instead of defensive and judgmental.  That can be your contribution to the effort.  Again, as someone who was recently where she is, this should be very obvious to you what she's going through.