I called a friend who is a believer...

[GrandizerII]

I "came out" to one of my best friends last Sunday about my non-belief.  She seemed understanding but very concerned.  We talked for about 3 hours and then parted ways.  Tonight I called her because I was concerned about how she was taking the news.  She became emotional and started preaching to me about how I was like Adam in the Garden of Eden, who didn't want to submit to God, so I've been thrown out of the Garden and now I can no longer hear God's voice.  She said that Jesus Christ is my only answer now, and that I would never have my questions answered until I submitted to Jesus Christ because he's the only way back to God.  I calmly listened and then said, "Ok well thanks for the witnessing", then politely said goodnight.  

I know she means well but it still hurts because I feel like our relationship is irrevocably broken.  I explained in depth why I began to struggle and question my beliefs, but she did not acknowledge the rationality behind this.  The idea is that I'm completely to blame for my failure to believe, that I'm unreasonable for asking God to show himself to me, and now I'm the only one who can repair my relationship with God by throwing myself at Jesus' feet.  I told her that I didn't want anything to change between us but she said that she couldn't promise it wouldn't, but she's praying for me.  

She told me that she had always looked up to me, but now I only feel the judgment.

Could have been worse to be frank. Your friend is not perfect. In fact, no one is. But it doesn't seem like the friendship is damaged beyond repair. Perhaps she needs some time to think about this and maybe sometime soon she will learn to accept that you don't share her faith anymore yet still be friends with you. Give it time.

[Godscreated]

Yes GC, I made the choice to be honest with myself. 

It's so weak to just make ridiculous assumptions about people.  You don't even know me.

Why would fear take me away from the faith?  It's fear that kept me IN the faith. 

You make no attempt to understand, only to marginalize.  I can't take you seriously.

So now it's a choice, thought you just stopped. I made an observation and a comment, you and everyone else blew it all out of proportion, typical atheist behavior. Baby I've been here a number of years an have seen every excuse, whether you take me seriously of not is fine with me. By the way I didn't say fear took you away from your belief, in all honesty I have reservations you had a relationship with God.

GC

[Minimalist]

Some times people come to their senses, G-C.  Some day it may even happen to you.

[Old Baby]

Yes GC, I made the choice to be honest with myself. 

It's so weak to just make ridiculous assumptions about people.  You don't even know me.

Why would fear take me away from the faith?  It's fear that kept me IN the faith. 

You make no attempt to understand, only to marginalize.  I can't take you seriously.

So now it's a choice, thought you just stopped. I made an observation and a comment, you and everyone else blew it all out of proportion, typical atheist behavior. Baby I've been here a number of years an have seen every excuse, whether you take me seriously of not is fine with me. By the way I didn't say fear took you away from your belief, in all honesty I have reservations you had a relationship with God.

GC

I'm having reservations that you actually read my deconversion story.  I made a choice to be honest with myself when I was a believer.  That choice led to my eventual loss of belief.  Not that hard. 

You said "making excuses for your fear is on you".  Apparently I misunderstood that statement, so I'll give you an opportunity to clarify it and prove you're not just a troll. 

Your "reservations" about my having a relationship with God are probably well founded, because I think he probably doesn't exist, therefore making it impossible to have a relationship with him.  I doubt you've had a relationship with him either, because he doesn't exist. 

From what I've seen so far, you're another Christian who reinforces my belief that God does not exist and Christianity is a farce.  I would love for you to show me where I'm wrong, if that's the case, because I am ready to embrace the truth.

[The Grand Nudger]

I wouldn't wait too long for an asshat to show you the truth.  They don't know what that is.

[henryp]

I "came out" to one of my best friends last Sunday about my non-belief.  She seemed understanding but very concerned.  We talked for about 3 hours and then parted ways.  Tonight I called her because I was concerned about how she was taking the news.  She became emotional and started preaching to me about how I was like Adam in the Garden of Eden, who didn't want to submit to God, so I've been thrown out of the Garden and now I can no longer hear God's voice.  She said that Jesus Christ is my only answer now, and that I would never have my questions answered until I submitted to Jesus Christ because he's the only way back to God.  I calmly listened and then said, "Ok well thanks for the witnessing", then politely said goodnight.  

I know she means well but it still hurts because I feel like our relationship is irrevocably broken.  I explained in depth why I began to struggle and question my beliefs, but she did not acknowledge the rationality behind this.  The idea is that I'm completely to blame for my failure to believe, that I'm unreasonable for asking God to show himself to me, and now I'm the only one who can repair my relationship with God by throwing myself at Jesus' feet.  I told her that I didn't want anything to change between us but she said that she couldn't promise it wouldn't, but she's praying for me.  

She told me that she had always looked up to me, but now I only feel the judgment.

Empathize a bit instead of making this all about you and things look a little different.

1) If she cares about you, she doesn't want you to go to hell, or damage your soul, or whatever it is non-belief does to a person in whatever sect you two are coming from.  From her perspective, you are putting yourself in harms way, and it would really odd for her to 'be cool' about it.  "Oh, you're going to spend eternity burning in a pit of fire?  That's cool.  Want to go get some fries?"  

Based on your title there of former 'conservative christian', I'm guessing you guys got the hardcore stuff.  When you were a believer, what would your reaction have been to finding out someone you cared about was putting their soul or whatever in eternal danger?  She's sad and worried and scared for you.  If she wasn't, you should be worried.

2) Will you be the same person?  Do you think going from christian conservative to non-believer means you get rid of God, and everything else stays exactly the same?  That's the case for a lot of people, but neither of you know who exactly you will be when the dust has settled.  You may not be compatible anymore depending on how much else you reject that you previously believed.

3) Going forward, who knows.  The burden has been placed on her (not your fault).  You get to be who you want to be, and she's the one who has to change, possibly in a way that she doesn't want to, or is very difficult for her, or maybe even a way that is impossible.  She has to do all the work to save the friendship here.  And you should know exactly how hard that will be given you used to think the same things as her.

But it sounds like she's going to give it a whirl.  So instead of whining, acknowledge the large undertaking that she is going through in an effort to remain your friend.  Maybe give patient and understanding a shot instead of defensive and judgmental.  That can be your contribution to the effort.  Again, as someone who was recently where she is, this should be very obvious to you what she's going through.

[drfuzzy]

Yes GC, I made the choice to be honest with myself. 

It's so weak to just make ridiculous assumptions about people.  You don't even know me.

Why would fear take me away from the faith?  It's fear that kept me IN the faith. 

You make no attempt to understand, only to marginalize.  I can't take you seriously.

So now it's a choice, thought you just stopped. I made an observation and a comment, you and everyone else blew it all out of proportion, typical atheist behavior. Baby I've been here a number of years an have seen every excuse, whether you take me seriously of not is fine with me. By the way I didn't say fear took you away from your belief, in all honesty I have reservations you had a relationship with God.

GC

Yep, there it is, right on cue.  The "no true Scotsman" fallacy.  "You don't believe anymore?  Well then you never REALLY believed in the first place."
In one sentence, it 1) allows the responder to feel superior, that they have belief (and therefore, the love and special favor of an omnipotent sky-daddy) and you, poor deluded ignorant scum, do not, and 2) to immediately and quickly dismiss any hint of a possibility that there could be any logical reason for your statement of disbelief.  They are not even capable of considering that the brainwashing that they are still reinforcing within themselves could possibly be broken - rather easily - in anyone else, much less the possibility of that being a positive thing.

[Godscreated]

---

So now it's a choice, thought you just stopped. I made an observation and a comment, you and everyone else blew it all out of proportion, typical atheist behavior. Baby I've been here a number of years an have seen every excuse, whether you take me seriously of not is fine with me. By the way I didn't say fear took you away from your belief, in all honesty I have reservations you had a relationship with God.

---

GC

I'm having reservations that you actually read my deconversion story.  I made a choice to be honest with myself when I was a believer.  That choice led to my eventual loss of belief.  Not that hard.

 
I read your story and it wasn't detailed enough to actually understand why you left Christianity. From the first I thought I saw that your Christian faith was not real, why I can't truly say, like I said you gave no real details. I lost a girl long ago because I wasn't a Christian, then I tried to fake it but she saw through that and so it ended. I don't blame her she wanted a Christian man, it was her choice made by her own reasons and who was I to make her do something she didn't want. She stopped loving me for a reason.

You said "making excuses for your fear is on you".  Apparently I misunderstood that statement, so I'll give you an opportunity to clarify it and prove you're not just a troll.

If I were a troll I would have been run off many years, so that should answer that. Yes I said fear, fear of losing your friend and fear you made a wrong choice that caused you to lose this friend. 

Your "reservations" about my having a relationship with God are probably well founded, because I think he probably doesn't exist, therefore making it impossible to have a relationship with him.  I doubt you've had a relationship with him either, because he doesn't exist.

You can be assured I have a genuine and very real relationship with God, I know with thought a doubt that God is real. The Bible teaches this, first we come to God through faith, then belief from our study of His word and then to the knowledge of His reality through a growing relationship. I've had experiences with God that are undeniable, you may not believe so but then that's your misfortune. Your friend knows God do you think she is delusional also?

From what I've seen so far, you're another Christian who reinforces my belief that God does not exist and Christianity is a farce.  I would love for you to show me where I'm wrong, if that's the case, because I am ready to embrace the truth.

Here's the truth, your friend and I both are enjoying a relationship with the God of the Bible because of what his Son did for us. We both would rather have friends that are Christians for a simple reason they help us to grow. I do have friends who are not Christians but my association with them is one of work related or other things, they are not the deep relationships that Christians have between each other that Christ provides us. No one to this very day has been able to show me that there are contradictions or untruths in the scriptures.

GC

[The Grand Nudger]

GC....quick q or two.....

I do have friends who are not Christians but my association with them is one of work related or other things, they are not the deep relationships that Christians have between each other that Christ provides us. No one to this very day has been able to show me that there are contradictions or untruths in the scriptures.

Did you expect to have that shown to you from within the christian echo chamber you've cloistered around yourself?  It's rather unimpressive that you've never been made aware of contradictions or factual errors in the bible...after hearing how you've arranged your social life, don't you think? 

[Godscreated]

---

So now it's a choice, thought you just stopped. I made an observation and a comment, you and everyone else blew it all out of proportion, typical atheist behavior. Baby I've been here a number of years an have seen every excuse, whether you take me seriously of not is fine with me. By the way I didn't say fear took you away from your belief, in all honesty I have reservations you had a relationship with God.

---

GC

Yep, there it is, right on cue.  The "no true Scotsman" fallacy.  "You don't believe anymore?  Well then you never REALLY believed in the first place."
In one sentence, it 1) allows the responder to feel superior, that they have belief (and therefore, the love and special favor of an omnipotent sky-daddy) and you, poor deluded ignorant scum, do not, and 2) to immediately and quickly dismiss any hint of a possibility that there could be any logical reason for your statement of disbelief.  They are not even capable of considering that the brainwashing that they are still reinforcing within themselves could possibly be broken - rather easily - in anyone else, much less the possibility of that being a positive thing.

The typical atheist response, because a Christian can tell when someone is not genuine it just bothers atheist something terrible. I have a hard time understanding why it bothers you, you don't believe there is a God so by this admission I would have to be total correct in your book. I don't and never have felt superior to anyone else including, to be in a relationship with God one has to have a humble heart. I can promise you this you nor anyone else could ever cause me not to know God is real. Your impolite wording towards God and myself show your childish mind.

GC