(December 24, 2017 at 11:57 pm)wallym Wrote: First off, I went through the Catholic Marriage prep course as well back in the day, and I can confirm we got the same 'family planning' pitch CL is talking about. There was no 'Sex is for procreation only' angle. They really sold it as a super important/great thing two people in love get to do and should do a lot.
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On the topic of 'being in the mood', I think you folks are misreading CL's position quite a bit.
Sex in marriage takes commitment because the path of least resistance is a sexless marriage. It's like being healthy. People tend to want to eat healthy. They want to go to the gym. But they often don't, because it's just easier not to.
Marriage sex is very similar. I think the misunderstanding is over the terms 'not horny' and 'not in the mood.' There's the real situations where you just aren't feeling it, and you wouldn't enjoy it if you did have sex. I don't think anyone is advocating that person has to have sex. And in a healthy marriage, the other partner wouldn't pressure them in that scenario. But then there's the much more common 'I'd rather just binge something on Netflix.' type situation. Where 'not being in the mood' is about priorities rather than not wanting to have sex. If I'm reading what CL is writing correctly, I think she's saying she wants to make sure sex doesn't lose it's place of importance in her relationship.
I don't think CL is saying people should be forced to fuck if they're exhausted after a 16 hour shift, and couldn't stay awake. I think she's saying both partners need to be committed to making their physical relationship a priority.
And that's probably the other thing that's being lost on the group. In modern Catholicism, marriage is supposed to be (regardless of what it is in practice, or was taught to be 300 years ago) a team sport in a way that just doesn't appeal/make sense to most people. One person can't be happy if the other is unhappy. It's symbiotic. It's just a different attitude than the 'Take care of yourself first' outlook that we're taught today. The idea of being selfless in a relationship is a big leap of faith. But that's why marriage is supposed to be forever for them. Both people are really committing to something significant, and they're taking a big risk in doing so.
Again, I'm guessing at CL's mindset, but I bet making her husband happy makes her really happy. And I imagine making CL happy makes Mr. CL really happy. To the point that making each other happy is the thing that makes them happiest. That's what the guidelines being presented are meant to funnel people towards.
But that's just Catholicism suggestions and the CL family. We're all free to do whatever we want. I've been married 15 years myself, and I can say that the more sex we are having, the better the relationship is across the board. And it's not just about saying 'I demand to be fucked.' It's about the work being put into the relationship, and making sure not to get lazy or take it for granted.
And that's all I have to say about my tax returns.
I didnt see the caveats you speak of in her post, but if you are accurately representing what she meant to say, then thats fair. Sort of. Id rather have a talk with my partner and see whats on her mind in case of a recurrent feeling of not being in the mood for sex. And then work on it from there. Sex can wait in such case.
