[Serious] If I met Him...

[R00tKiT]

What proof would I need in order to accept the existence of a supernatural being that we'd call a God? 
I'd need to speak to them directly and I'd need a demonstration of their power that couldn't be explained by the natural laws of our world(I know, I'm making very vague parameters but the more specific we get the more into the weeds I get trying to define what "counts" as empirical data, when really I want to understand the dependability of my own logic train; if we have to go there to get here, then we'll get into it).

Your demands are actually logically invalid. You could be speaking to a tremendously powerful satan pretending he's God, this same Satan displaying power that cannot be explained by natural laws. And needless to say, the latter thing is an appeal to incredulity.
So, nothing you mention points to a god, even if it does happen.

But if they did that, I would no longer consider them a God worthy of worship. Like, we're talking a God who's the Biblical God, creator of everything, and He's gotta waste His time doing parlor tricks for me?

standard category mistake. God is supposed to be a timeless being so .. timeless minus (gazillion years wasted with creatures) is still timeless. so the word waste is undefined for a deity.

I'd need to speak directly to deity in order to confirm they were real

What? Do you need to speak directly to members here in the forum to confirm they're not disguised robots.. for example?

Like, even the need and desire for worship seems like such a petty, insecure thing.

As far as I know, it's not mentioned anywhere in any religious text that the Abrahamic god needs our worship. It's certainly not the case in Islam. The word need is a figment of your imagination, it's not in the article of faith of any serious religious person. If it were the case, if an all powerful deity somewhat needs every human being to worship it i.e. depends on the act of worship to sustain itself / some properties of itself, then it could do that in a sleight of hand by making us worshippers by default, and negate free will, in which case you wouldn't have enough freedom to post this thread . not really difficult for a deity, huh ?

It's actually the other way around. We need to worship god. If we don't, we'll worship something inferior to god, be it an idol, an ideology, an addictive habit, possessions, an object of affection, etc. The Qur'an describes anyone who -knowingly- rejects worshipping god as someone who worships his own desires.

What proof would I need in order to accept the existence of a supernatural being that we'd call a God?

You might be interested in reading this thread of mine. I kind of answered this question from my own POV.
https://atheistforums.org/thread-61984.html
Sheers