It is a bit frustrating reading through Ecclesiastes

[emjay]

Yes but it would certainly help if I believed it more, because the Buddhist approach I mentioned is more about how I would think I would have to deal with hell if it existed. But I'd rather not be thinking about hell at all. I'd rather be focusing on buddhism only for life not life and death, but that requires increasing my confidence in atheism.

Perhaps it would help take the pressure off of increasing your confidence in atheism to consider all of the ways that gods and afterlives don't really have anything to do with one another, and those easy to miss ways they might. Maybe there are gods and no afterlives.  Maybe there are afterlives and no gods.  Maybe gods also have afterlives.  Maybe they're the only thing that doesn't.

You've got it more or less right in that both of us, if the christian story were true, would be going to hell.  I wonder, though, is it the destination or the desert?  Does the idea of ending up some place you've no control over bother you, or has this experience brought your self doubt and shame to the surface in novel and painful ways?  If it's the latter, magic book speaks at length on grace, love, and forgiveness - and the ghost story doesn't have to be true for those to be valuable things, especially toward one's self.  Ecclesiastes not so much - but it does drone on around the matter, commenting on the human condition.

Sorry I took so long to reply to this. I was pretty low and still sometimes am, and this felt like a lot to deal with in that state. You seemed to be suggesting looking at the bigger picture, which is something I'd usually be able to do much better, but not in this depressive state I've been in. Basically both my serotonin and my dopamine in my brain have been fucked with by being taken off the prescribed drug too fast, so in practical terms it means the serotonin leads to very intense mood changes, and the dopamine leads to basically a lack of will to do or usually also eat anything... it's like a chore to do anything usually fun or rewarding. So yeah, not a great state of mind to be in for nearly three weeks now, and with no idea really when or even if it's going to get any better. But today has been my best day I think, because I've been gradually trying to work on myself mentally, including using mindfulness more and more, in part now to try and understand my new mental state and adapt to it, and today actually enjoyed my first meal. And I've been reading a book on atheism that my mind finally feels open enough to process, "Why I am not a Christian" by Richard Carrier... very thorough, very big-picture... seems the sort of thing you might say... and to me I find it awesome. It's really helped bring my confidence back. So basically I'm starting to feel like I'm slowly healing now, and starting to feel a bit more hopeful of this weird and depressing mental state ending, but even if not, hoping that I can slowly learn how to adapt to it. Just thought I'd update you on the situation... thanks for your input