Marriage Poll

[Edwardo Piet]

Oh well I guess we just view it differently then...

I think it's a greater sign of strength if two people can stay together WITHOUT 'making a commitment' - perhaps that's just me then. I find 'commitment' overrated and kind of unworthy when it comes to actually caring about people...

I think if you can show love without making a promise that might not hold-up anyway (regardless of how much you love each other) then it's more true to yourself, you're being less idealistic and more realistic, more genuine - and if the love is strong isn't the love itself ENOUGH?

Perhaps I just see it from a different (and perhaps UNUSUAL) angle. I guess I have a different way of showing love maybe....

But I think if people can stay together WITHOUT a: "I promise I promise I promise" without a: 'commitment' then that's more genuine because I think you're kind of kidding yourself if you expect to KNOW that you will DEFINITELY stay together for your whole lives BECAUSE....

...There are people who love each other genuinely an awful awful lot for many years but they STILL end up breaking up...and I think it's perhaps a kind of conciet to think that you'd be any different (you as in whoever).

I think that if you can stay together WITHOUT 'making a commitment' then that's actually stronger. But perhaps that's just the way that I view it.

I do think commitment is a form of attachment though. And I think love is more about compassion than attachment.

EvF

[Giff]

Marriage and commitment is making you not entirly free. I agree with EvF if you can have a normal relationship without commitment and stay together, be truthful to eachother and all then that's better. Becuase then you stay together becuase you want not because you have to.

[Edwardo Piet]

Indeed. More about compassion and genuine love rather than attachement and/or fear of loss.

As I have said: I think commitment is more about attachment and Love is more about compassion.

EvF

[fr0d0]

I think you speak about it from a theoretical angle. I might have agreed with you when I didn't know too.

Take it from me... love develops towards commitment. Commitment is a late phase of love.

[Edwardo Piet]

It's a common by-product of love I think. I do not think love depends on it though. I think IT depends on love. And love would be better off without it. Compassion is more important than attachment. Commitment is a by-product of love not the other way around I think. I think commitment is merely a COMMON way for people to express their love - commitment is a deliberate form of expressing love which is a by-product of attachment which in turn is I think a negative by product of love. I think commitment is just a common form of expressing true love. But not the best.

So commitment is also therefore a common INDICATION of true love. But I still think love is better off without it. As I said - commitment is a form of attachment (negative) rather than compassion (positive). Commitment is a product of Love not the other way around (so it does not follow that love isn't better without it, commitment could just be a negative by-product of POSITIVE love - but is also a COMMON expression of true love (so actually an INDICATION of true love perhaps) - but not necessarily the best. Could be better without it).


Well that is my view anyway as I have said lol. With or without the experience. It's what I think.

EvF

[fr0d0]

I don't think it 'depends' at all. It's part of love. You're thinking, I think, that commitment is something separate.. like you've said, you think people are together and then out of fear try to put a lock on the relationship or love so that it can't escape. I agree. In that case commitment = trap.. everything I can think of as anti love.

So maybe we're both right (back to Giffs priest! LOL), commitment is bad AND good.

[Kyuuketsuki]

And I'll say what I said in the other Marriage thread (why the fuck have we got two anyway?):

What strikes me about those who are anti-commitment and apparently so keen to keep their options open is why? I mean you're all so convinced that commitment is some kind of prison and absolutely unnecessary but what it seems to me is that you're really, really keen to keep your options open, to keep hold of that escape route????

Perhaps you don't really love your respective partners as much as you claim because if you did, an escape route (an easy way out) wouldn't be so important to you???

Kyu

[fr0d0]

And I'll say what I said in the other Marriage thread (why the fuck have we got two anyway?):

I blame the mods! :p

Lots of multi threaded posting by Evie and myself lately. Is it our fault that the technology is woefully inadequate?

[Edwardo Piet]

Perhaps the threads should be merged? I mean...I think the POLL is excellent .....so I don't think we need one without a poll now...maybe merge the other one with this poll one?

Oh and Kyu....options open means BOTH options open...not biased towards an 'escape route' you CAN stay longer WITHOUT commitment than with...it just means something like...if your parter can 'just leave at any moment' that's not a bad things...because it's their choice and it's up to them...

You have compassion but you're not attached....

Love is excellent...but sometimes it has a lot of bullshit attached to it as a by-product I think....just cos that's how love is often commonly expressed....

But I've learned anything in life it's that what's common does NOT mean it's better...I mean look at religion (just as an example, I'm in no way comparing the two other than using it as an example) - that's fucking common and it's bullshit....

I think love commonly has a lot of confusing shit attached to it and people often say things like "Well that's love for you.", "That's love" but is it? Or is it just the bullshit ATTACHED to love that often causes problems in the relationship between two mortal higher apes?

And since you have copy/pasted your piece Kyu, I'll copy paste mine:

At the end of the day I just think 'commitment' (unless the couple is staying just for the kids) is overrated. Because I think if people truly care about each other they will be able to stay together without 'making a commitment' which just seems superficial and kind of...dare I say...unworthy to me lol.

[fr0d0]

A merge would be impossible at this stage I think. It'd really confuse things. We ought to spot when we start talking about the same thing on two threads and either keep it to the one thread or merge it quickly.