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Current time: April 25, 2024, 8:22 am

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Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
#1
Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
...and fellow saved Christians on this forum.

I've decided to brave this lion's den to answer any questions on my beliefs as a True Christian. I'm a believer in the Bible as God's Word. Unlike some sissy Christians, I don't pick and choose which parts I like. I believe in all of it, including the parts that make no sense. Well, they don't make sense to me as a flawed sinner but I'm sure Yahweh understands it all just fine thank you.

Rest assured, I won't be preaching. That would be pointless anyway as the Bible makes it clear that the Lord has already hardened all of your hearts that you might not receive the love of Jesus and be saved.

Quote:Jude 1:4 For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ
.

That's right. You all don't know it but you're just objects of wrath to satisfy the Lord's sadistic glee on judment day. That's why all our wisdom seems as foolishness to you. So enjoy your time in the sun before you spend eternity being burned alive for all eternity by our loving Lord. Praise the sweet name of Jesus!
"You don't need facts when you got Jesus." -Pastor Deacon Fred, Landover Baptist Church

™: True Christian is a Trademark of the Landover Baptist Church. I have no affiliation with this fine group of True Christians ™ because I can't afford their tithing requirements but would like to be. Maybe someday the Lord will bless me with enough riches that I am able to. 

And for the lovers of Poe, here's your winking smiley:  Wink
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#2
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
Fuck off...and take jesus with you.
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#3
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
Landover POE Min.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
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#4
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
(March 7, 2012 at 10:04 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Fuck off...and take jesus with you.

Amen!
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#5
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
(March 7, 2012 at 10:04 pm)Minimalist Wrote: Fuck off...and take jesus with you.

Lol he's not being serious. Wanna know how I know?

He has the Landover Baptist Church quoted in his signature. Hahahaha!

LBC is a fictional church, "established" by an atheist who uses the "church" to lampoon and satirize fundamentalist churches like the WBC and others. So either this poster is TERRIBLY retarded, or he's in on the joke. And given his icon that has the bible with "parental advisory" tape on it...

Welcome to the forum, Yahweh! ;D
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#6
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
I saw that.


I just like saying "fuck off and take jesus with you."
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#7
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
Also, Yahweh; well-played, sir, well-played. XD
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#8
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
Poe.

If not, GDIAF.
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#9
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
(March 7, 2012 at 10:08 pm)Minimalist Wrote: I saw that.


I just like saying "fuck off and take jesus with you."

SUUUURE YOU DID. Wink Shades Hahahaha

That sentence does roll nicely off the tongue though, doesn't it?
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#10
RE: Greetings Hellbound Heathens...
Right up there with Blow Jesus Out Your Ass.


I'm an old devotee of Landover Baptist though. Deacon Fred might be one of the few holy men who makes sense.
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