Im atheist but my wife isn't

[BlasphemousMusic]

Ok, now that I spent 5 mins just thinking of a thread title, I can take my time and write my short novel! THIS WILL BE LONG! Its been something that has been on my mind for a while and I need to get it out there and actually ask for help!


As its nearly 4am and after a few jack and cokes and some Ghost (BC) pumpin thru the headphones I was thinking of things to watch tomorrow on tv/netflix.

I just re-upped my netflix after not having it for a few months to give my kids something to watch when the 150 cable channels plus on demand seem to have "nothing" on.

Anyway, I came across Zeitgeist and remember watching part 1 about religion. Now, I know its full of inaccuracies and such but it actually got me thinking more after watching it.

Myself I have been an Atheist for about 10+ years now but my wife is...I dunno what she is. I know WHY she is what ever she is but its hard to explain the what. She says when asked about her religion shes metaphysical. Now, the sole reason she is that is because her mother (which RIP passed away in I think 2010 of cancer) was.

Now, that being said I do not want to "convert" my wife to be an Atheist. Ideally if she was one, it would make for less drunken 5am tyraids in my house. But what I want to do is open her eyes to reality, to "the truth™" that fact is better then fiction.

She has told me many times that she will NEVER be an Atheist because its depressing and angry. Well, she only knows one atheist really, me. And yes, I let stupid facebook comments and such get the better of me sometimes and I comment in a negative fashion more often then I should.

She believes in random stuff borrowed from random belief systems that her mother liked or had shown her. What she doesn't realize is that shes basically what I like to say a borderline Atheist all ready. She thinks that becoming an Atheist will make her bitter, angry, depressed because there is no hope of some magical wonderland...etc

Im certain someone here knows someone with similar type of beliefs or how they got them. Her mom was a huge part of her life, so much that we had many arguments because she intruded on it or she wouldn't talk to me about things but a 2 hour a day conversation with her mom was "short".

I know im skipping all over the place but to me, this is something that is heavy on my mind. I do not want to convert her like I said but I also would like her to understand she can choose her own path and doesn't have to believe something just because her mom did. I'm definately NOT going to use that as a "selling" point!

One large issue is after her mother died, her father found another woman. No big deal, it happens, but whats happened to him is something neither of us could have expected. She turned him from a nice, caring guy into a hardcore right wing conservative republican christian type. No one could have predicted that one! He posts things on FB daily about how he hates obama...etc And also tells her now she needs the bible and such. Our kids, we have 3 (two boys 13 and 11 and a 4 year old girl) were never taught atheism, christianity, metaphysics or anything. I consider them VERY fortunate to not be "taught" anything so they can make up their mind later on without EITHER of us influencing them.

But recently he, father in law, has been so f'n brainwashed im afraid to send my kids to his house in fear he'll try to guilt trip them into being a believer of zomb...errr christ and the bible. So, for my wifes sake I wanted to finally start showing her reality and how liberating and beautiful it can be. You can still worship nature, still meditate, still have some sort of "spirituality" when being an atheist, its not just an anti christian!

I wanted to show her (and maybe my kids) a movie, a documentary rather, that just shows that there is not only truth but beauty in Atheism and that its not all negative. I wanted one thats not too hard to understand with technical scientific terms that you'd have to have some sort of degree to understand. I've seen a few myself and like to watch debates but she doesn't, at all.

Now, the issue im having with finding a movie/documentary is that most of the are just out to disprove christianity or something similar. She all ready has stated she dislikes the christian faith as much as I do. Well, not as much but she does have a distain for it. But, that wouldn't do much good in trying to show her anything as she doesn't buy it anyway, ya know?

I guess in a TL;DR I'd say want to find a documentary which isn't too technical which shows atheism in a beautiful or positive way without a heavy focus on only christianity or islam.


If you've acutally read this entire post without skipping, I grant you +1 internets! But seriously, thanks and I look forwards to having a good discussion and getting recommendations!

[LastPoet]

Heh, i guess if zeitgeist does get people thinking, it isn't that bad. Personally, I did like meh when I saw it.

As to "being negative", I don't think so necessarily, although it is hard to keep composure in times like theists claim "you can't be moral without god".

Hey a good vid about this issues and you can show it to the kids:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6w2M50_X...w&index=21

Its not aggressive at all.

ETA: Oh,

[Bad Wolf]

I don't know if a documentary is the best way to go about it. Maybe you should try some books, Richard Dawkins has done a few books. 'The God Delusion' has a lot of the arguments religious people use and he explains why they are don't hold up as arguments.

[festive1]

First off, if drunken, 5am tirades are common, perhaps less drunkenness is in order. My dad was fond of drunken tirades, lets just say that wasn't fun.
If your wife is basically an atheist in practice, why push her to accept a label? Maybe she just doesn't want to be labeled... I can understand that.
You say your father-in-law has gone off the deep end into conservative-land, but you don't say what your wife's thoughts on this are... If you express concern that he's going to pressure your kids, guilt-trip them, in some way manipulate them, or otherwise maltreat them, is she going to disagree that it's a possibility? Does she disagree that the kids should be protected from this kind of behavior? If so, that's the problem, not her refusing to accept a label. Or maybe, she views her father's values as something to be endured or tolerated, rather than refuted.
I'll note that no adult has more influence on a child than a parent. Example: My mom likes to spoil my kids by buying them extravagant gifts. I can't change that, but I can steer them in a different direction by showing them what charity is and how fortunate they are. The kids help with donating their old toys. We give them many explanations of how a lot of people don't have what they do, and how that's not the kids' or even necessarily their parents fault. We engage them, explain things, and ask for their thoughts on issues, when they ask about our discussions of current events. In short, we try to give them a larger worldview, and it is working.

[max-greece]

There are many videos of discussions involving Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris, Richard Dawkins et. al. in earnest discussions with religious types of all persuasions.

Take some time to watch a bunch of them and then choose one you like to watch again with your wife. These guys cover all the basics of Atheism which many find to be an uplifting freedom from the tyranny of religion. Hitchens is the most aggressive of the 3 but also probably the most persuasive. Harris is very laid back.

[Kayenneh]

Tell your wife the next time she brings it up, that being an atheist is only a stance on gods. If you're happy before, becoming one doesn't change it. What you do with your life, how elevated your feelings are and what you get out of existance has nothing to do with atheism.

[pocaracas]

err. welcome?

[Doubting Thomas]

I'm kind of in a similar boat. I'm atheist, my wife is still Catholic, and her parents are also Catholic and right-wing Fox News watching Obama haters. (I'm not kidding about Fox News, it's on at their house every time we go over) But I don't pressure her to give up her religion, though she often tells me that she would like for me to go to church with her. I do on some occasions, like Christmas & Easter (which sucks because that is when Catholics have the looooooongest masses). But she's not a fanatical Catholic and often skips going to church, or some times she might go alone and leave the kids home with me.

But we never have 5 AM drunken tirades over religion. Even though she wants me to be religious again she doesn't push the issue. Her mom wanted me to go talk to the local priest (a right-wing conservative who during the 2012 primaries said that he thought Santorum would make a good president) but there's really nothing he could say to make me want to go to church again.

I think that you're lucky that you have a wife who seems to fall into the "spiritual but not religious" category. If I were you I'd leave her alone about her beliefs and not try to force your atheism on her. I would show her that atheism is not "depressing and angry" by showing her how happy you are without religion. I, personally am far happier since I gave up religion. Unless she's trying to force her woo beliefs on you, there's no need to ridicule those beliefs.

As far as the children are concerned, I think you're raising them right. However I would voice concerns with her about not wanting them to be brainwashed into right-wing conservatism. I would also bring it up with the children that some people have different views on politics and religion, and to not just accept certain beliefs because others insist that you believe them. I think with your two boys being 13 and 11 and not being raised with religion you have a good start. Most kids are smart enough to see through bullshit. And even if some brainwashing is attempted and the children talk to you about it, you can offer them an opposing view.

[Savannahw]

I also agree that the drunken part might not be helping the situation. Nether is wanting her to change. She lost her mother now she is emotionally losing her father (having him changes so much) I understand that it is cause you some issues in your relationship, and that should be addressed. I don't think a documentary would be the best way. Books could be good. This might sound odd but why not suggest something like this. We aren't all angry on here and people are of different beliefs. If you want her to open her mind to the "truth", but she doesn't want to become angry why not show her some non-angry atheists.

[Faith No More]

I'm kind of in a similar boat. I'm atheist, my wife is still Catholic, and her parents are also Catholic and right-wing Fox News watching Obama haters. (I'm not kidding about Fox News, it's on at their house every time we go over) But I don't pressure her to give up her religion, though she often tells me that she would like for me to go to church with her. I do on some occasions, like Christmas & Easter (which sucks because that is when Catholics have the looooooongest masses). But she's not a fanatical Catholic and often skips going to church, or some times she might go alone and leave the kids home with me.

I'm in an identical situation except for the my wife never asks me to go to church(Except when we were going to through IVF, she asked me to go pray with her, which is extremely ironic when you think about the fact that she's Catholic), and my wife never goes to church except on the big holidays. Although, the other day my father-in-law was flipping to CNN and MSNBC in an attempt to hear different viewpoints, so there's still hope for him.

As to the OP, why does it bother you so much that your wife holds spiritual beliefs? Did it ever occur to you that the problem lies not in her beliefs but in your inability to accept them?