The Last Movie You Watched

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Heard that one before. Didn't need Tom, just someone with more credibility. JRR had the hots for Tom's mrs.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Heard that one before. Didn't need Tom, just someone with more credibility. JRR had the hots for Tom's mrs.

How does anyone get more credible than a Vala ‘gone native’?

Boru

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Heard that one before. Didn't need Tom, just someone with more credibility. JRR had the hots for Tom's mrs.

How does anyone get more credible than a Vala ‘gone native’?

Boru

How about a dozen Rangers who were patrolling the North and told to keep an eye out for the shorties. Save ?20? pages of irrelevant text.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

How does anyone get more credible than a Vala ‘gone native’?

Boru

How about a dozen Rangers who were patrolling the North and told to keep an eye out for the shorties. Save ?20? pages of irrelevant text.

The Rangers couldn’t have rescued the hobbits from the barrow. And (textually confirmed) they would have been unable to protect the hobbits from the Black Riders without Aragorn.

Boru

[Gawdzilla Sama]

In the movie he just fights them. But for the fun, we could have the dozen rangers each have a special skill or weapon or mcguffin that combined helps them repel the wraiths for long enough for the horabitts to beatus feetus.

[pocaracas]

In a world where Tom Bombadil exists, I agree with Boru.

In a world without Bombalid, I agree with Gawdzilla. It seems the movie world has no Bombadil.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

Bombadil wasn't watching for the walkers, right? Having a squad of rangers on the alert would simplify things.

[Rev. Rye]

You ever watch a movie and wonder if they made it to pander to you specifically?









(Note: I can't actually find the actual montage from the movie on YouTube)

[Rev. Rye]

This week in the Deep Hurting Project: Bible Town. It's the last movie on the So Bad It's Horrible List from WowNow Entertainment, creators of the Finding Jesus and Fishtales series, Zoo Wars, and Dia of the Dead.

• So, here's the plot. There's three kids who seem to have this strange condition that causes them to look up all the time with their cross-eyed eyes, talk without having their lips match what they're saying, and gesticulate wildly. They're on a hot air balloon traveling to a place called Bible Town, where all you have to do is ask anyone and they'll tell you any Bible story. Then they get there and do exactly that. 
  
• The Bible stories basically consist of each specific Bible story being read verbatim from the Bible. They don't edit them, even if just for coherence. The story of Noah's Ark even mentions the fact that all the animals are to be included two by two, except when Noah's supposed to round up seven of some species. The actual reading is emotionless, by someone who's mastered how to pronounce words like "Shant" or "Capernaum" but not to comprehend the words they're reading.
  
• The video basically consists of clip-art that may or may not actually be related to the story at hand animated Ken Burns-style.
  
• Naturally, what makes sense for Ken Burns doesn't make sense for this story. For instance, instead of something like a photo of Ulysses Grant playing over Jason Robards reading from a letter by Grant, it's something like the Massacre of the Innocents being related over a drawing of a bunch of sunflowers. And this isn't a sort of relax-o-vision so we don't have to deal with kids watching thousands of babies getting slaughtered; it's rare for any image to directly relate to what's being told.
  
• They tell of the creation of the world, and it looks like the world's already been created the whole time and God didn't have to do anything. Or they tell about Jesus' baptism and seem to go out of their way to go use clip art from any story from the Gospel except for that story.
  
• Some stories, however, seem to have some mild animation. And when I say mild animation, I mean that they have some screensaver-level animations of what look like nature. They're usually the most tolerable-looking parts, but not only do they not even relate to what's being said at all, but it's usually at these parts where the stories start to just meld into each other.
  
• It's so lazy that I start to find myself nostalgic for the complexities of shit like Finding Jesus. Say what you will about that (and I've covered two movies' worth of that shit), but at least they had fucking plots, as infantile as they were. At least you learned a few fish facts from the whole deal, even if the animation immediately contradicted said facts. And I don't care what shitty Bible videos your parents made you watch, they were still  better than this.
  
• I probably would have gone into more detail about what I saw, but I accidentally deleted my first draft of this post. 
  

I don't know what'll be in store for next week. Probably a horror movie.

[Foxaèr]

Pinocchio

A father's wish magically brings a wooden boy to life in Italy, giving him a chance to care for the child.