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RE: WTF Bible
September 13, 2013 at 4:22 pm
(September 13, 2013 at 3:39 pm)Faith No More Wrote: Why stick to just the contradictions? Just post anything silly from the bible, like the cure for leprosy.
I can just imagine it now, in a hospital somewhere a man cones in with late stage leprosy and all you hear from the doc is "NURSE!! I need 2 pigeons stet.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
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RE: WTF Bible
September 14, 2013 at 6:50 am
(This post was last modified: September 14, 2013 at 6:51 am by Jiggerj.)
If god had spoken the commandment on killing it would have gone something like this:
Thou shalt not murder! Ever! I COMMAND it! No excuses, if you kill you go to hell! But, hey, there will come a time when I will let my son walk the earth. If you kill him I will forgive all sins.
There is an ALLLL-knowing, ALLLL-powerful, inVISible being who is everywhere, who created the WHOLE universe, who lives in another dimension called heaven, who is perfect in every way, who was never born and will never die, and who watches you every minute of every day (even when you're squeezing one out on the toilet). There are also unicorns, leprechauns, Santa Claus, an Easter Bunny, and a giant purple people eater.
JUST BELIEVE IT!
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RE: WTF Bible
September 14, 2013 at 7:10 am
The ark, needn't i say any more?
'The more I learn about people the more I like my dog'- Mark Twain
'You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways.' - Dr House
“Young earth creationism is essentially the position that all of modern science, 90% of living scientists and 98% of living biologists, all major university biology departments, every major science journal, the American Academy of Sciences, and every major science organization in the world, are all wrong regarding the origins and development of life….but one particular tribe of uneducated, bronze aged, goat herders got it exactly right.” - Chuck Easttom
"If my good friend Doctor Gasparri speaks badly of my mother, he can expect to get punched.....You cannot provoke. You cannot insult the faith of others. You cannot make fun of the faith of others. There is a limit." - Pope Francis on freedom of speech
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RE: WTF Bible
September 14, 2013 at 7:27 am
Everything can be explained. All hear the good news!
We now have the answer to all!
wait for it...
just little longer....
keep going.....
MAGIC!
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RE: WTF Bible
September 14, 2013 at 7:52 am
For me, the first notable contradiction is in the creation accounts, but not the stuff about the sun and plants and the order of creation. It's the part near the end of each account.
The Bible Wrote:Genesis 1: 27-30: So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. 28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” 29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.
Man and woman created together. The impression is not that god made one and then the other, but that he created man kind. There is no mention that he placed them in one area of the world and limited them to it. In this version, god gives them the world as a gift. They can partake of the fruit of every plant on the whole planet as food. The apologist can at least provide a bit of cover for that last part, in that the text specifically mentions "seed-bearing" and "green" plants. The assumption that the two magic trees were not seed-bearing is reasonable, and having them a different color could differentiate them from the rest of the world's plants. Even allowing for this kind of nitpicking doesn't address the other differences between this account and Genesis 2.
Genesis 2:
Quote:7 Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. 8 Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”
In Genesis 2, man is created first, and some time passes before he is provided a "helper." But more notable is that humanity isn't given the Earth as a gift, and they aren't given its green, seed-bearing plants to eat. Man is placed in the garden of Eden and allowed to eat of any tree in the garden, with one exception. To reconcile the two accounts, we need to believe that it was not until after Adam and Eve had sinned that god blessed(???) them and gave them a privileged place in the animal hierarchy as well as access to all of the plants in the world. That in particular is a sticking point for me. The rest can be rationalized to varying degrees, none of which I find compelling but the mental gymnastics aren't too embarrassing. But that one presents a clear difference between the two writers and I don't see how that conflict can be ascribed to language differences or how it can be resolved by simply juggling the descriptions to fit them into a new timeline.
"Well, evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts. Facts don't go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's in this century, but apples didn't suspend themselves in midair, pending the outcome. And humans evolved from ape- like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism or by some other yet to be discovered."
-Stephen Jay Gould
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RE: WTF Bible
September 14, 2013 at 8:28 am
(This post was last modified: September 14, 2013 at 8:52 am by Jiggerj.)
And Lot saw how the perverts of Sodom lusted after his visitors. So, he said to this horny crowd something along the lines of, "If you don't molest these angels that have come here with the word and the power and the glory of god, I'll let you gangbang my daughters.' What a righteous man.
And then he got drunk and banged them himself. Oh wait, even today in the Middle East such a sin would be blamed on the daughters. My bad!
During the time of the crucifixion all the dead saints rose from their graves and roamed the city. The only contradiction here is that it contradicts logic and reason.
And, oh yeah, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!
Genesis 1: 27-30: So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them;
--------------------------------
So, this eternal god looks just like us. Why does he need a nose to breathe, or a mouth and a stomach to eat with? Could he starve to death? Does he have a colon and a penis to poop and pee with? Come with us now as we go in search of logic in the bible. 
There is an ALLLL-knowing, ALLLL-powerful, inVISible being who is everywhere, who created the WHOLE universe, who lives in another dimension called heaven, who is perfect in every way, who was never born and will never die, and who watches you every minute of every day (even when you're squeezing one out on the toilet). There are also unicorns, leprechauns, Santa Claus, an Easter Bunny, and a giant purple people eater.
JUST BELIEVE IT!
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RE: WTF Bible
September 14, 2013 at 10:28 am
(This post was last modified: September 14, 2013 at 10:32 am by Ryantology.)
(September 14, 2013 at 8:28 am)Jiggerj Wrote: Genesis 1: 27-30: So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them;
--------------------------------
So, this eternal god looks just like us. Why does he need a nose to breathe, or a mouth and a stomach to eat with? Could he starve to death? Does he have a colon and a penis to poop and pee with? Come with us now as we go in search of logic in the bible.
A Christian will tell you that this is not a literal statement. That's okay. He made a race of people who were prone to irrationality, violence, anger, hatred, intrusiveness, impatience, jealousy, intimidation, manipulation, inequality, unfairness, intolerance, rank hypocrisy and occasional murderous bloodlust. In that regard, I'd say the Bible would have got it spot on, except that humans also display qualities such as love, tenderness, sympathy, empathy, altruism, understanding, justice and kindness, and God possesses none of these qualities.
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RE: WTF Bible
September 14, 2013 at 10:31 am
Quote: Does he have a colon and a penis to poop and pee with?
I never wished to break the ice, but He boinked Mary.
Revelation. 1:20
Quote: The mystery of the seven stars which thou sawest in my right hand, and the seven golden candlesticks. The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches: and the seven candlesticks which thou sawest are the seven churches.
Come on, Jesus, We know what those golden candlesticks are for...
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RE: WTF Bible
September 14, 2013 at 10:46 am
I always like the end of Genesis 1 for the height of stupidity.
Quote:31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
Yeah - so "good" that a little while later the fucker had to drown everything because his good creation had turned to shit.
You'd think an omniscient "god" would have seen that coming, no?
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RE: WTF Bible
September 15, 2013 at 10:00 am
(September 14, 2013 at 10:31 am)Walking Void Wrote: I never wished to break the ice, but He boinked Mary.
Is it not strange that god is supposed to have fucked his mum. 
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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