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Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 7:02 pm
(This post was last modified: October 4, 2013 at 7:07 pm by Fruity.)
I have heard all of them:
Your kids should be your priority.
Your kids will suffer the most.
Think about how your decision will affect them.
This isn't about you, it's about the kids.
Just where does the line fall between it being okay to stick to it for the sake of the kids and when it is appropriate to get a divorce? Is it right to stay in a relationship that is hurtful, quiet (conversations never happen), and constantly breaking for the sake of the kids? Is this healthy for them?
What do you think about divorce when kids are in the picture?
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 7:14 pm
I voted it isn't about the kids, but that's not really how I feel about it.
Kids suffer when their parents stay in a broken relationship. Fix it if you can, but if you can't - you will fuck up your kids and give them unhealthy ideas about what relationships are about if you stay in an unhealthy relationship.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 7:24 pm
If parents aren't happy, kids know it. If parents are miserable, kids REALLY know it.
Divorce is really fucking hard on kids. Living with miserable parents is worse. I know. I spent most of my family feeling from the age of 12 to 22 wishing my parents would just get divorced and stop making all of us suffer, and having no way to have that conversation with them. Then they did get divorced, and all of us have been happy since then.
The worst effect on me was not having any understanding of what a good partnership looked like. Happy parents are important to having happy kids.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 7:37 pm
(This post was last modified: October 4, 2013 at 7:39 pm by wwjs.)
My parents divorced when I was about 5 years old. It sucked growing up without a father, but I think it would suck even more with all the fighting between them. I love my dad and even though I didn't spend that much time with him (after divorce when I'd go to him or he'd visit me) I really don't see any reason why my mother wouldn't want to live with him; it may seem weird but I've never asked either of them why they divorced. My personal advice would be if your partner has bad influence on your kids then divorce may be the best option but if it's just between two of you, try as hard as you can to fix it. Remember that divorce will have an impact on your kids so talk, talk and talk more but if you know that it ain't gonna work then, unfortunately, you may have to divorce.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 7:56 pm
My parents got divorced when I was ~4... and my brother was 1.5 years younger.
We stayed with our father, because the guilty party was my mum... she cheated.
Well, to me, it's the normal state, to have them both separated. I have no memory whatsoever of them living together.
People tell me that, at the time, I suffered a bit, became sad and annoyed at everything. Daycare seems to have had the worst time with me.
But I got over it.... I have no memory of those times... trauma, maybe... I don't know. Don't care.
My dad did the best job he knew how to and I can only thank him for the person I am today.
So... go ahead with your life... The kids adapt and, in time, understand or simply don't care, it becomes the norm.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 7:56 pm
Whoever picks the first option is an idiot IMO. Two stressed parents are going to raise a messed up kid.
I would vote a combination of the second two. I wouldn't want to be miserable my whole life and as I said, the kids would be worse off for staying together in a relationship that is broken.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 8:04 pm
My parents marriage was a complete sham, it was broken since the time i can remember anything. And it really screwed me up. Staying in a shit marriage is only gunna make the kid worse.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 8:13 pm
It isn't about the kids. The kids will feel shit about it, sure; but they'll get over it.
When people say stupid shit like "Stay together for the sake of the kids" it makes me want to slap them. For the sake of the kids??? What do they even mean by that? Do they genuinely think it is healthy to teach kids that they should stay with someone even when they no longer love them? No, if it was about the kids at all, it's better to teach them to understand that if they aren't happy, they can change that and let themselves be happy again. Being miserable with your life wouldn't do your kids any good at all.
But it's not about the kids, it's about you doing what's best for you. This is your life and you're not going to get another one, so do what's best for you.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 8:16 pm
(October 4, 2013 at 8:13 pm)NoraBrimstone Wrote: But it's not about the kids, it's about you doing what's best for you. This is your life and you're not going to get another one, so do what's best for you. No. Do what's best for you AND the kids.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 4, 2013 at 8:17 pm
Sure it`s hard for children, but one should not forget how the adults in a releationship feel about it. I believe only a few things are as crushing for ones mental health as a loveless releationship. And I am certain that even when it`s though on the kids, they will eventualy get use to it.
Other than that, in cases where one has to deal with an abusive husband or mother, there shouldnt be any question about how nececery a divore is.
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