Coming Out(?)

[Darkstar]

Yes? No? Maybe? You could appeal to general rules, but I think it would be more helpful to look at the specifics of this case. Particularly, I'm asking if and when/under what circumstances I should come out to my parent(s) and or siblings.


Some background information:

• Both of my parents are old earth creationists, however, I have am fairly certain that they accept most of mainstream science nonetheless.
  
• My parents are firm in their belief, but rarely vocal about it.
  
• My father is a member of the religious right.
  
• While I have heard my parents make rude remarks about atheists before, it is not common. I am inclined to think that my mother, at least, would not extend stereotypes about atheists to me. Also, the only atheist my mother has ever personally known was kind of a jerk about it, so yeah...
  
• With the exception of my father, my family rarely attends church. On the other hand, my mother despises the particular church we go to, so maybe we would be attending more if the services weren't mind-numbingly dull.
  
• My brother is a closeted agnostic atheist, something I discovered roughly six months ago when I privately outed myself to him. He isn't very knowledgeable on atheism vs. theism, but neither are my parents.
  
• My younger sister is not overtly religious, but I cannot tell much more than that.
  
• I am currently a college student; I don't think my being an atheist would jeopardize funding for this.
  
• My mother is easily offended.
  
• As far as I know, no one in my family holds any supernatural beliefs outside of religious ones.

So, all things considered (and if there is anything you would like me to add or specify, feel free to ask) what do you think I should do? Should I privately tell my younger sister? Should my brother and I simultaneously come out to my mother (if he wishes to)? We should probably leave my father out of this; I doubt he'll be accepting. "It's your choice" is kind of self-evident, so I don't think that counts as advice. Maybe "[insert advice here], but ultimately it's your choice" or something like that.

[Minimalist]

Let sleeping dogs lie.

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

Are you living with your parents or dependent on them financially? If not, I would go for it. Coming out is an incredible relief. If you are, though, you might want to wait until you are independent from them before dropping the A-bomb.

[Ryantology]

What it really boils down to is, do you have reason to fear retaliation?

If not, then I would say that you should say whatever you want, whenever you're ready to make it their business.

[FreeTony]

No personal experience as most people where I live are non-believers, but from what I've read there is a lot of baggage with the word "Atheist". There's the story of someone coming out to their parents saying "I don't believe in God" and the reply is "Well at least you're not an Atheist". Rather than say Atheist you could say that you're not a believer or something along those lines, but are open to believing if the evidence presents itself?

I'd also say if you were to come out, doing it simultaneously with your brother would make things much easier.

However as has been said, if you are reliant on your parents then best to not ruin any relationship if you think that coming out would affect your education etc.

[Ryantology]

My family is somewhere between hostile and apathetic towards atheism. I didn't make a big deal about coming out or anything like that. I just dropped it while in a conversation with my dad in which my opinion on religion was relevant. It was a lot more difficult to tell myself.

Honestly, my politics are more of a family scandal than my lack of religious belief. There are few liberals in it.

[Clueless Morgan]

There's the story of someone coming out to their parents saying "I don't believe in God" and the reply is "Well at least you're not an Atheist". Rather than say Atheist you could say that you're not a believer or something along those lines, but are open to believing if the evidence presents itself?

I think this is reasonable advice; if you decide to go for it but are still unsure about how they will react to the A word, you could leave the A word out for the moment, say you're a non-believer and woe betide them if they don't realize what that means. If they're not that up on the lingo, you could also just tell them you're an agnostic; it's not technically a lie (I presume) and it allows you to gauge their reaction without committing to full on atheism. If saying you're agnostic goes well you could progress to atheism in... a few months? Or whenever the subject broaches itself again, which it seems happens very infrequently in your family so you might have to manufacture a situation in which the topic comes up again.

For example: does your dad watch Fox News? If he does, the next time you see David Silverman on you could passingly comment "Oh, I like him!" and if you dad goes ape shit you then know his reaction toward sympathizing with an atheistic viewpoint and can pass off your liking of David Silverman as "Relax, I just think he's funny" or something.

I'd also say if you were to come out, doing it simultaneously with your brother would make things much easier.

It would certainly make it easier on you, perhaps not on your parents. If things go badly then you and your brother could commiserate with each other, if things go well then... everyone knows.

It could make it harder on your parents though, learning that not only do they have one child who is an atheist, they have two; two thirds of their progeny are non-believers, oh no!! It all depends on how they take it.

[Shaggy]

The fact that this has to be so carefully considered to avoid being hated by your family pisses me off. The way atheist are treated just really gets to me.

[Angrboda]

Another aspect is if you're wearing pants or not. If you're not ready to wear your own pants, maybe you're not ready for it. On the other hand, if you are ready, rain or shine, you will be stepping into a new day. There are benefits to taking that step, even if "bad things happen." The possibility of bad things happening will always be there, in this, or other things. The question you need to ask yourself is, are you ready to make the best of it regardless of whether it goes well or poorly?

I forget whether you said your brother is younger or not. I would consider it ethically questionable to encourage a younger sibling to take such risks for your benefit unless they have already decided to do so. Let them grow up on their own. Don't make them a part of your strategy.

My coming out was somewhat unplanned. My mother told me to go to hell, and I told her that she should go to hell because she's the one who believes in that crap. My family is and was rather liberal though, and they'd long since given up on me by that time.

[KUSA]

Why bring it up? I can understand if someone asks you but if they don't then why say anything. Do you feel compelled to tell them you don't believe in other things such as unicorns or leprechauns?