Athiests and Christians dating

[dt83]

Now I know interfaith relationships can be hard, but have any of you had experience in a relationship where only one of you have faith? I'm an atheist and my girlfriend is an evangelical christian. Now we are compatible in most ways but religion has always been a bit sticky. Its not for me, she's simply doing her own thing and thats fine with me but she literally believes I am going to hell when I die. A while back she even came to me crying because she thinks we won't be together in the afterlife.

I've gone to church with her, read books she's suggested, spoke to her pastor numerous times and of course my beliefs weren't changed. She thinks I'm not giving Christianity a chance and I keep telling her that I can't just choose to believe in her god. Now this is only one aspect of our relationship and I haven't spoken about all the good we have but this seems like a problem that will always be there. Any Advice?

[theVOID]

Sticky situation.

You should suggest that for every Christian book you read she should be required in turn to read some Dawkins or Epstein's "good without god" - In fact you should initiate it, tell her that if you read a book of her choosing that she has to read one of your choosing.

You already mentioned that you have gone to church with her and read her books and spoken to her pastor - but what has she done in return?

[dt83]

Sticky situation.

You should suggest that for every Christian book you read she should be required in turn to read some Dawkins or Epstein's "good without god" - In fact you should initiate it, tell her that if you read a book of her choosing that she has to read one of your choosing.

You already mentioned that you have gone to church with her and read her books and spoken to her pastor - but what has she done in return?

Well I'm not hear to argue that what she's doing isn't unfair to me. I know it is, but I love the girl. I've known her for almost ten years now and she's been my best friend for 7 of those years so I can cut her some slack and deal with the irrationality of her religion. And to be honest I don't care that she's a christian I just wish she'd leave me alone about not being one. The one thing that baffles me is she thinks its a choice to believe in god, and I don't think I ever chose to become an atheist so how I'm supposed to choose to be a christian just baffles me. Maybe I should pretend to be pagan for a month or two that might make her appreciate my beliefs more.

[TruthWorthy]

Didn't any of these issues cross your mind before you two became serious? I've thought about visiting church just to find a nice girl to be with. The reason I didn't bother was because I knew I'd need to continue visiting despite having achieved all I could from there. You two probably aren't compatible enough to stay together in the long term. Your girl is 'upset' you wont be together in the afterlife probably reflects her own understanding of this fact and she would most likely have her social network 'pissing' in her ear about the relationships failure, "because lets face it, you're not going to leave *your* faith, are you!?". I know it's a kick in the teeth losing out to a false belief but got to be practical. How would you raise (or want to raise) you kids?

[theVOID]

Sticky situation.

You should suggest that for every Christian book you read she should be required in turn to read some Dawkins or Epstein's "good without god" - In fact you should initiate it, tell her that if you read a book of her choosing that she has to read one of your choosing.

You already mentioned that you have gone to church with her and read her books and spoken to her pastor - but what has she done in return?

Well I'm not hear to argue that what she's doing isn't unfair to me. I know it is, but I love the girl. I've known her for almost ten years now and she's been my best friend for 7 of those years so I can cut her some slack and deal with the irrationality of her religion. And to be honest I don't care that she's a christian I just wish she'd leave me alone about not being one. The one thing that baffles me is she thinks its a choice to believe in god, and I don't think I ever chose to become an atheist so how I'm supposed to choose to be a christian just baffles me. Maybe I should pretend to be pagan for a month or two that might make her appreciate my beliefs more.

I was suggesting that you exchange ideas fairly so that you can both have a better understanding of each others positions, and stating that you will read her apologetic of choice will make her more comfortable with reading an atheistic book and not give her the impression that you just want to destroy her faith.

From what you have described you have been the one making all the effort. I am not suggesting that you try and convert her - in fact i would recommend very strongly that you don't try to convert her, just introduce her to your position - the book "Good without God" would be perfect for making her more comfortable with the idea that you are an atheist without attempting to convert her in any way, so she does not feel pressured and at the same time gets to know exactly what atheism is and how it has nothing to do with whether or not you are ultimately a good person.

Good without God is after all intended for Christian audiences with Atheist family members and friends and also for people in the process of losing their faith who need to shake the religious lies about Atheists being inherently immoral, so that is the best advice i can give you for trying to make the situation more palpable for both of you.

[dt83]

Cool I will check out that book, I think Dawkins might be a bit too much for her though lol.

[theVOID]

Cool I will check out that book, I think Dawkins might be a bit too much for her though lol.

Yeah hahaha probably true. Maybe pull it out later in life if she ever expresses doubts.

[Tiberius]

I don't care that she's a christian I just wish she'd leave me alone about not being one.

"Evangelical" literally means "never leave non-believers alone". At least, it seems that way.

[theVOID]

Ev-an-gel-i-cal

Adjective

3. with strong beliefs: enthusiastic or zealous in support of a particular cause and very eager to make other people share its beliefs or ideals

[A897]

Didn't any of these issues cross your mind before you two became serious? I've thought about visiting church just to find a nice girl to be with. The reason I didn't bother was because I knew I'd need to continue visiting despite having achieved all I could from there. You two probably aren't compatible enough to stay together in the long term. Your girl is 'upset' you wont be together in the afterlife probably reflects her own understanding of this fact and she would most likely have her social network 'pissing' in her ear about the relationships failure, "because lets face it, you're not going to leave *your* faith, are you!?". I know it's a kick in the teeth losing out to a false belief but got to be practical. How would you raise (or want to raise) you kids?

nobody needs to change their faith if they don't want to! Let the girl raise your kids the way she wants but after they get a little older they can choose for themselves who they want to follow. All of us are raised in same way according to our parents' religious traditions but now we know what is right in reality.