Father Disowned Me Because I'm Still Atheist

[LivingNumbers6.626]

My parents also tried to impress upon me from an early age that racial mingling was not desirable. Way to set one up for success in life, right?

Even if they were Mormon, too? My coworker's ex is a former Mormon (now atheist) and is also a Mexican-American. If he were still a Mormon, would it be allowable for him to marry a white Mormon ? Or is all racial cross breeding frowned upon?

Mormons are so nutty.

Well, it's more of a un-spoken rule in most families now, but there are still many families here in San Diego who have the inter-racial chat with their children. So it all depends on the type of family he comes from. It's more of a cultural thing out here in So-Cal. No one would ever dare preach it on the pulpit, mormons would be dropping from the church like rotten apple from a tree.

I had discovered that my father partly agrees with this Brigham Young-ist doctrine (second prophet). It really pissed me off because this had been right after I had married my wife and I was just so...ugh. It's terrible finding out that the "most godly AND righteous church" on earth was just a plain out fucking douche bag.

But anyways, regardless if it is still solid doctrine, there is an obvious trend in the church. Very little people cross racial and economic barriers in the name of love.

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I know how you feel. Well not technically since your folks are Mormons and mine are Catholics nevertheless when I came out with my parents about being an atheist they didn't took it pretty well. And to be honest they didn't took it at all. They still think that the whole me being an atheist it's just a lie. They think that deep down I really believe in Christ. Until this very day whenever I go out with them and we pass in front of a church they still ask me to do the sign of the cross.

If your family is anything like my adoptive cousins (catholic family that I'm real close to) then we're probably the same.

Also, doctrinely, the mormon and catholic faiths are very similar.

We're closer than you know. haha

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RE: the OP

I liked SteelCurtain's advice quite a bit but I have two follow up clarifications:

1) Do you think your dad wants to maintain a relationship with you? Or is your desire to maintain the relationship one-sided?

2) Where does your mom fit into all this? Can you bring her in as an ally or an intermediary between yourself and your father? Or is she 100% on his side and losing a relationship with him means losing them both?

Wow, that makes me hurt inside. The mormon faith also has racial/economical "guidelines" for marriage. According to the mormon faith, I wasn't supposed to marry a mexican woman from a poor family because I am white and from a borderline upper middle class family.

What?!? What's wrong with marrying a Mexican? Are they not "white and delightsome" enough for the Mo's?

1) He does. Like Faith No More mentioned, there's a lot of emotional baggage. Me leaving the faith is a big deal for him. I've basically broken up the eternal family line and I wont be able to spend eternity with him in mormon heaven. So this all really takes him for a bad spin. Also, it's been my speculation that he is a closeted agnostic. He's a very interesting man, very smart. And so seeing me turn my back on it all might be hard for him because he was never able to do it. This all because of his existential belief that all religions are the same road to the same place and his Pascal-esque thought process on the "is there a God?" question. It's difficult. Some times he speaks as a mormon, sometimes as a existentialist, and sometimes as a agnostic. When I came out, I had praised his parenting, saying that it was the good parenting that had driven me to become skeptical. I think he want to keep a relationship, but I think it's only for the sake of saving my soul than for who I am. So it's difficult. My father is a chest full of secrets that will never surface.

2) My mom is on the same page with my father, she thinks I'm lying and that me leaving the church and becoming atheist is just something I've done to get at my dad because I'm mad at him. Particularly because he's stopped thinking about god argument. She says I know the church is true and I'm just lying about it all. But I have a lot of respect for her, I have actually shared some websites with her about skepticism towards mormonism and about evolution and things like that. She hasn't finished all the things I've showed her, and she occasionally goes back to them to try to understand me. I know I sowed the seeds of doubt because she told me she heard god last week speak to her, telling her that the church is true and that god exists. She's afraid that there is no god, and she claims she doesn't like approaching these questions because she's not "an intellectual." I assured her that she doesn't have to be, and that if she has any questions, go to her church leader first, if not, then come to me. But she continually asks the same questions to me over and over again. She's suppressing a lot of stuff. We still have an okay relationship, but she is no where near my side.

It sucks knowing that you have a smart family, but they all claim they are not smart enough, so they allow a religion to tell them how to live or think. I hope someday they will atleast leave the church and join something less controlling and abusive.

[Dragonetti]

I know a few crazy Mormons. I have tendency not to talk religion with them, as they will go butt fuck nuts on a quick hurry.

Logic should be taught in schools at an early age.

[Bad Writer]

My parents also tried to impress upon me from an early age that racial mingling was not desirable. Way to set one up for success in life, right?

Even if they were Mormon, too? My coworker's ex is a former Mormon (now atheist) and is also a Mexican-American. If he were still a Mormon, would it be allowable for him to marry a white Mormon ? Or is all racial cross breeding frowned upon?

Mormons are so nutty.

Even if. It definitely all started back in the days of Brigham Young, as elcon noted. He would preach that it was fair to put a man to death for marrying a black person.

[LivingNumbers6.626]

Even if they were Mormon, too? My coworker's ex is a former Mormon (now atheist) and is also a Mexican-American. If he were still a Mormon, would it be allowable for him to marry a white Mormon ? Or is all racial cross breeding frowned upon?

Mormons are so nutty.

Even if. It definitely all started back in the days of Brigham Young, as elcon noted. He would preach that it was fair to put a man to death for marrying a black person.

The religion should have died with that man.

[Ravenshire]

It wouldn't surprise me one bit if you, like the OP, respond to your father by trying hurt him back instead of simply demanding respect.

I can't presume to speak for Ryantology, but neither of my kids have ever, or will ever have to demand respect. Nor have I ever had to demand it of my father. People who's respect is worth having never have to have someone demand it of them.

[Whateverist]

Some of my crazy family actually joined the mormon church. I know. One thing to be born into it, but to go looking for it? Yikes.

[Bad Writer]

Some of my crazy family actually joined the mormon church. I know. One thing to be born into it, but to go looking for it? Yikes.

I throw up a little in my mouth thinking I was ever a missionary leading people to such a succubus of a cult. I think it's my worst regret: creating people like elcon's father.

[Cato]

My brother joined 20 years ago (sucked my mother in a decade later). He is far more unhinged and zealous than most of the apostolic Mormons I have met.

[Clueless Morgan]

1) Do you think your dad wants to maintain a relationship with you? Or is your desire to maintain the relationship one-sided?

1) I think he want to keep a relationship, but I think it's only for the sake of saving my soul than for who I am. So it's difficult. My father is a chest full of secrets that will never surface.

Perhaps you could take some time for emotions to settle and then write in a letter or something (so it doesn't become a face to face confrontation) stating that you want to maintain a relationship with him and that it's your understanding that he wants to maintain one with you, but that in order for that to happen religion and atheism can't be discussed when you're together.

If it comes down to it, you can always invite him to unfriend you on facebook so that that doesn't start more fights, especially if that is one of the ways in which you tend to get into fights. Tell him that you're unfriending him and your reasons for doing so are to maintain a healthy relationship - that keeping that relationship strong is more important than you having access to his fb page. And if he wants to talk to you, he can email or call you, and likewise for you with him.

Try to be the bigger person and make the relationship happen. If it's important to you but he's resistant to letting the religio-babble drop, lay off for a few weeks and try again.

Things also might change once you start having kids (assuming you don't now?). Just don't leave the kids alone with your folks. :p

2) Where does your mom fit into all this? Can you bring her in as an ally or an intermediary between yourself and your father? Or is she 100% on his side and losing a relationship with him means losing them both?

2) My mom is on the same page with my father, she thinks I'm lying and that me leaving the church and becoming atheist is just something I've done to get at my dad because I'm mad at him. [snip] We still have an okay relationship, but she is no where near my side.

If you aren't as contentious with your mother you might try working through her instead of dealing directly with your dad. Try to establish with your mother the no-religious-talk rule and phase your dad into it.

Even if. It definitely all started back in the days of Brigham Young, as elcon noted. He would preach that it was fair to put a man to death for marrying a black person.

The religion should have died with that man.

Disagree.

It should have died with Joseph Smith.

My brother joined 20 years ago (sucked my mother in a decade later). He is far more unhinged and zealous than most of the apostolic Mormons I have met.

Isn't that the way? The adult converts are WAY more gung-ho about their new religion than ones born into it. You're making a conscious choice as an adult, but as a kid you're just going with the flow, doing what you're told.

I think that goes for most religions, though the more cultish ones might create more fervent adult converts.

[LivingNumbers6.626]

Some of my crazy family actually joined the mormon church. I know. One thing to be born into it, but to go looking for it? Yikes.

Did they look for it or did some 18 year old boys approach your family without truly knowing their religion and convince your family that 10% of all your income is all you need to go to heaven? haha. I hope your family finds there way out. The mormon church is terrible at retaining converts.

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My brother joined 20 years ago (sucked my mother in a decade later). He is far more unhinged and zealous than most of the apostolic Mormons I have met.

I hope your family members find there way out of that abusive religion. It's terrible for the rest of the family too because they're always sending mormon literature to your mail. Well, I hope they don't do that to you. haha