joke time

[The Valkyrie]

Apparently you can make bets on the number of "no balls" in an over of cricket.

The same game can be played when meeting women in Thai bars.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Two leprechauns, one elderly and one a fair bit younger, knock at the door of a convent and the Mother Superior answers. The younger of the two leprechauns removes his hat, bows deeply and says, ‘Beggin’ yer holy pardon missus, but I’d like to ask - have ye got any leprechaun nuns in this beyootiful convent of yours?’

‘No,’ says the Reverend Mother. ‘I know every nun cloistered here and none of them are leprechauns.’

‘Ah, I see, I see,’ says the little man. ‘Saving yer presence, I’ll be after asking ye another question - would ye happen to know if there are any leprechaun nuns in the county at all?’

‘Well,’ answer the Mother, ‘I lived in this county all of my life, I took the veil more than thirty years ago, and I’ve never known, nor even heard of, a leprechaun nun in all of County Clare’

‘Ah, yer a font of learning and no mistake! And - if I may make so bold as to ask - what about the whole country? Would there be any leprechaun nuns in the whole of Ireland?’

Exasperated with the little man’s questioning, the Mother snaps out, ‘No! As far as I know, there is not a single leprechaun nun in this convent, this county, or this country! Good day to you!’ and slams the door.

The younger leprechaun turns to his older companion, hits him with his hat, and says, ‘Did ye hear that, ye daft old bugger? I TOLD you you was fuckin’ a penguin!!’

Boru

[Darinda]

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, “I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pickup.”

The other replied indifferently, “What difference does it make. God knows we’re in here… and he’s the only one who counts.”

The first deacon countered, “But God won’t tell my wife.”

[purplepurpose]

Americans: Lets take control of the Afghanistan.
Random afgan dude living in the mud hut: "72 virgins, here I come!".

[The Valkyrie]

Me, "I've been a very bad girl, daddy!"

Him, "It's 'forgive me, father, for I have sinned'!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Me: It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up that counts.

Cop: That's not how these sobriety tests work.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to tell people what you think of them. Tell them to fuck off NOW.

Boru

[onlinebiker]

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to tell people what you think of them. Tell them to fuck off NOW.

Boru

Again?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to tell people what you think of them. Tell them to fuck off NOW.

Boru

Again?

If they haven’t fucked off after you’ve told them, they clearly need to be told again.

Boru

[Darinda]

One said to the other: “My 85th birthday was yesterday.The wife gave me an SUV”.

Other guy responded: “Wow, that’s amazing!!…..Imagine, an SUV!!.. What a great gift!”

First guy: “Yup !!…. Socks, Underwear and Ꮩiagra!”