Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: December 15, 2024, 2:54 pm

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
joke time
RE: joke time
"How did you meet your husband?"

"I'm a pharmacist. Every weekend he would come in and ask for XXXXL condoms."

"Only after we married did I realise he has a bad stutter!"

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply
RE: joke time
Not a lot of people realize it, but Las Vegas actually has more Catholic churches than it does casinos. Not surprisingly, some of the faithful will place casino chips instead of cash in the collection plate. This used to be quite the headache for the local churches until they devised a plan: Every Monday, each church delegates a member of staff to take the chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting. The friars - for a percentage - take the chips round to the various casinos, cash them in, and return the proceeds to the appropriate churches.




Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
"Mummy, why were you bouncing up and down on daddy's stomach last night?"

"I have to do that or daddy gets really fat! Bouncing keeps him skinny."

"It's not going to work."

"Why not?"

"Because Tina the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply
RE: joke time
A church employed a very attractive, VERY well-endowed organist called Susan. In fact, nature had been so good to her that her breasts jiggled and bounced while she played, which appalled all the prim and proper church ladies.

One Sunday, after a service that included a particularly active rendition of hymn 223, the ladies pulled Susan aside and gave her a bottle of astringent cream. They told her that applying it to her breasts and nipples would cause them to tighten up and reduce the jiggling. Susan agreed.

The very next Sunday, the minister took to the pulpit and announced, ‘Dew tew thurcumstanthes beyond my contwow, we will not haf a thermon today.’

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
This pastor decided to skip church one Sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn’t feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

An angel looked at God and said “What’d you do that for?” God smiled and said “Who’s he going to tell?”
Reply
RE: joke time
(at a restaurant)

Wife: See that loud, drunken guy, two tables over?

Husband: Yeah, what about him?

Wife: Ten years ago, he proposed to me and I turned him down.

Husband: Wow - and he's still celebrating!

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
(August 19, 2021 at 10:15 pm)Cecelia Wrote: (True Story time)

My mom's a doctor at a hospital.

She said that the next patient who tells her that the vaccine has microchips in it, she's going to tap them, and tell them "There, I just put the government microchip in you without the shot. Now you don't have an excuse."

Well if there if you dont take this they come round your house and insert one anally while you sleep.



You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.

Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.




 








Reply
RE: joke time
I just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person. All my life, I though he was only a theoretical physicist.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
A man approached a local in a village he was visiting. “What’s the quickest way to New York?”

The local scratched his head. “Are you walking or driving?” he asked the stranger.

“I’m driving.”

“That’s the quickest way.”
Reply
RE: joke time
A man is on trial for murder. The evidence against him is very strong, with one exception - no corpse was found. Knowing that his client would likely be convicted, the defense attorney  resorted to an old trick.

During his closing argument, the lawyer announced, ‘Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The presumed victim in this case will enter this courtroom within the next sixty seconds.’ Stunned (and a little confused), the jurors all stared at the courtroom door. When the minute had passed and nothing happened, the lawyer continued, ‘You all watched the door, which means you expected the murdered man to walk in here. This shows that you have reasonable doubt, and the law requires that you return a verdict of not guilty.’

Still a little nonplussed, the jury retired to deliberate and returned in a very few minutes and pronounced a verdict of guilty.

‘How could you do that?, spluttered the lawyer. ‘You all looked at the door!’

‘Yes, we looked at the door,’ answered the jury foreman, ‘but your client didn’t.’

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2748 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 3310 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1607 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2539 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 18802 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4743 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 9434 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1993 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4844 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 3050 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 196 Guest(s)