Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: December 15, 2024, 12:53 pm
Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
joke time
Edwardo Piet Away
Devil's Supercardo.
Religious Views: Atheistic panexperientialism
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation: 133
#981
RE: joke time
December 9, 2015 at 9:51 am
Ahhh right... wait what?
Find
Reply
Rhondazvous Offline
Help Me, Rhonda
****
Religious Views: Happy Heathen
Posts: 3676
Threads: 354
Joined: April 12, 2015
Reputation: 42
#982
RE: joke time
December 9, 2015 at 7:09 pm
(December 9, 2015 at 9:51 am)Evie Wrote: Ahhh right... wait what?
Hey, hey always make me look stuff up around here.
Hint: It's Spanish
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Find
Reply
IATIA Offline
Complete idiot? Nope. Still missing parts.
****
Religious Views: Mereological Nihilism
Posts: 4196
Threads: 60
Joined: September 8, 2011
Reputation: 30
#983
RE: joke time
December 10, 2015 at 8:37 pm (This post was last modified: December 10, 2015 at 8:41 pm by IATIA.)
(December 9, 2015 at 7:09 pm)Rhondazvous Wrote: (t)hey always make me look stuff up around here.

Pobrecita.

I know what you mean. vorlon13 is always coming up with something that forces me to hit google..
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Find
Reply
BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
Power-Drunk Administrator
*******
Religious Views: Headology
Posts: 46313
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation: 109
#984
RE: joke time
December 11, 2015 at 7:28 pm
A married couple are in bed, having a chat and cooing a bit, when the husband smiles and says to his wife, 'I love you so much, I bet you can't tell me something that makes me happy and sad at the same time.  His wife leans in, nibbles his ear and whispers,




Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Find
Reply
Cyberman Away
Beta cuck male
*****
Religious Views: Frisbeetarian
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation: 156
#985
RE: joke time
December 14, 2015 at 11:46 pm
Christmas for me is like having sex. The build up is great but when it finally comes, I regret spending all that money.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Find
Reply
IATIA Offline
Complete idiot? Nope. Still missing parts.
****
Religious Views: Mereological Nihilism
Posts: 4196
Threads: 60
Joined: September 8, 2011
Reputation: 30
#986
RE: joke time
December 14, 2015 at 11:58 pm
Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
'Tiny', answers Mike.
'Why's that?' enquires the barmaid.
'Because he's my newt' concludes Mike.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Find
Reply
IATIA Offline
Complete idiot? Nope. Still missing parts.
****
Religious Views: Mereological Nihilism
Posts: 4196
Threads: 60
Joined: September 8, 2011
Reputation: 30
#987
RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 12:02 am
In addition to Rudolph, Santa has nine more reindeer who haul the sleigh. The other reindeer are called: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Find
Reply
IATIA Offline
Complete idiot? Nope. Still missing parts.
****
Religious Views: Mereological Nihilism
Posts: 4196
Threads: 60
Joined: September 8, 2011
Reputation: 30
#988
RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 12:05 am
A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas.  The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.
  • The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
  • The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
  • The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
  • The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
  • The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
  • The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
  • The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
  • The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
  • The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
  • The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
  • The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Find
Reply
Cyberman Away
Beta cuck male
*****
Religious Views: Frisbeetarian
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation: 156
#989
RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 12:05 am
I had a Donner this afternoon. You could almost taste the despair.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Find
Reply
Edwardo Piet Away
Devil's Supercardo.
Religious Views: Atheistic panexperientialism
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation: 133
#990
RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 1:12 am
I didn't have a Donner this afternoon. You could just about smell the hopefulness.
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2748 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 3310 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1607 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2539 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 18801 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4743 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 9434 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1993 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4844 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 3050 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 287 Guest(s)