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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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joke time
Edwardo Piet Away
Devil's Supercardo.
Religious Views: Atheistic panexperientialism
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#981
RE: joke time
December 9, 2015 at 9:51 am
Ahhh right... wait what?
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Rhondazvous Offline
Help Me, Rhonda
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#982
RE: joke time
December 9, 2015 at 7:09 pm
(December 9, 2015 at 9:51 am)Evie Wrote: Ahhh right... wait what?
Hey, hey always make me look stuff up around here.
Hint: It's Spanish
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.

I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire

Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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IATIA Offline
Complete idiot? Nope. Still missing parts.
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Religious Views: Mereological Nihilism
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#983
RE: joke time
December 10, 2015 at 8:37 pm (This post was last modified: December 10, 2015 at 8:41 pm by IATIA.)
(December 9, 2015 at 7:09 pm)Rhondazvous Wrote: (t)hey always make me look stuff up around here.

Pobrecita.

I know what you mean. vorlon13 is always coming up with something that forces me to hit google..
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
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BrianSoddingBoru4 Offline
Power-Drunk Administrator
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#984
RE: joke time
December 11, 2015 at 7:28 pm
A married couple are in bed, having a chat and cooing a bit, when the husband smiles and says to his wife, 'I love you so much, I bet you can't tell me something that makes me happy and sad at the same time.  His wife leans in, nibbles his ear and whispers,




Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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Cyberman Away
Beta cuck male
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Religious Views: Frisbeetarian
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#985
RE: joke time
December 14, 2015 at 11:46 pm
Christmas for me is like having sex. The build up is great but when it finally comes, I regret spending all that money.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
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IATIA Offline
Complete idiot? Nope. Still missing parts.
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#986
RE: joke time
December 14, 2015 at 11:58 pm
Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
'Tiny', answers Mike.
'Why's that?' enquires the barmaid.
'Because he's my newt' concludes Mike.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Find
Reply
IATIA Offline
Complete idiot? Nope. Still missing parts.
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Religious Views: Mereological Nihilism
Posts: 4196
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#987
RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 12:02 am
In addition to Rudolph, Santa has nine more reindeer who haul the sleigh. The other reindeer are called: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Find
Reply
IATIA Offline
Complete idiot? Nope. Still missing parts.
****
Religious Views: Mereological Nihilism
Posts: 4196
Threads: 60
Joined: September 8, 2011
Reputation: 30
#988
RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 12:05 am
A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas.  The waiter gave each guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.
  • The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
  • The Englishman demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
  • The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
  • The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
  • The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
  • The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.
  • The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.
  • The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
  • The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman
  • The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.
  • The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Find
Reply
Cyberman Away
Beta cuck male
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Religious Views: Frisbeetarian
Posts: 25314
Threads: 239
Joined: August 26, 2010
Reputation: 156
#989
RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 12:05 am
I had a Donner this afternoon. You could almost taste the despair.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Find
Reply
Edwardo Piet Away
Devil's Supercardo.
Religious Views: Atheistic panexperientialism
Posts: 43162
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Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation: 133
#990
RE: joke time
December 15, 2015 at 1:12 am
I didn't have a Donner this afternoon. You could just about smell the hopefulness.
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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
joke time

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