joke time

[Brian37]

Isis has put out a new sex doll, it blows itself up.

[Rhondazvous]

What's the difference between a flea and a fly?

---

You can't zip a flea

---

[The Valkyrie]

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"

[Brian37]

Little known, the Smucker's Jelly brand also invests in porn, they have a website called "Fucker's Porn"

Their slogan for the porn site, "With a name like Fucker's it has to be good."

[Rhondazvous]

This woman had a baby. But when the baby came out, it was nothing but a head. I mean, it was alive, it could see and breath and everything, but it was nothing but a head.

So when the baby got old enough to go to school, the mother put a little hat on him. He had a little neck, so she put a little bow tie on him, put him on a skateboard and rolled him down to school

Now when he got to be about 9 or 10, he started liking girls. Everyday his skateboard would land beside this one girl and he would look up and say “Hi.” But she didn’t like him because he was nothing but a head. So he noticed she was always eating grapes and thought, “Maybe if I were a grape she’d like me.”

So he went home and asked his head godmother to turn him into a grape. So she turned him into a grape. Next morning, he was a grape. His mother put a little tiny hat on him, put a little tiny bow tie on him. Put him on a skateboard and rolled him down to school.

Now when he got there, the girl was standing in the wrong place. The skateboard rolled into her leg, he rolled off the skateboard and she stepped on him.

The moral of this story is to quit while you’re a head.

[IATIA]

Two old men sitting on a park bench.

"Hey! You been gettin' any on the side lately?"

"Hell, it's been so long since I got any, I didn't know they moved it."

[NaughtyButNice]

Frankenstein walks up to a witch and asks, "Could you make me a lemonade?"

Witch says, "Poof, you're a lemonade."

[Expired]

My next door neighbour is so inconsiderate, he was banging on my door at 2.30am, it's a good job I was up playing my bagpipes.

[Rhondazvous]

My next door neighbour is so inconsiderate, he was banging on my door at 2.30am, it's a good job I was up playing my bagpipes.

I just know Boru is going to have something to say about this. I feel it.

[ApeNotKillApe]

I've been getting into astronomy so I installed a skylight. The people who live above me are furious.

I went into this restaurant that serves you breakfast at any time, so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I was driving along a road and saw a gas station with two signs on top of one another. "Help Wanted", "Self Service". So I hired myself. Made myself the boss. Took all the money and left.