joke time

[chimp3]

Teenage Boy #1: I bet your still a virgin!

Teenage Boy #2: I was until last night!

#1 : Yeh right!

#2 : Just go ask your sister!

#1 : I don't have a sister!

#2 : You will in 9 months!

[The Valkyrie]

A teenage boy runs home excitedly, "Dad, dad! I've just had sex!"

"Wow, that's great son!" replies the proud father, "Who's the lucky girl?"

"Grandma!" exclaims the son.

Suddenly, the father is not so happy, "You screwed my mother!!??" he yells angrily.

The boys is surprised, "What's your problem? You screwed mine!"

[chimp3]

A dramatic rescue from a burning 100 story building was underway! 10 blondes and a brunette were dangling from a single rope. The rope was about to break from the weight. They agreed that one person should voluntarily let go of the rope for the sake of others. The brunette agrees but first delivers a moving speech about self sacrifice and altruism. The blondes applaud.

[vulcanlogician]

What is a blonde's mating call?

I'm sooooooo drunk!

[Brian37]

What is a blonde's mating call?

I'm sooooooo drunk!

What is orange roadkill's mating call? 

"It's YUGE".

---

You guys hear about the Holiday charity for porn stars in need? Yep, it is called "Toys For Twats."

[purplepurpose]

[Darinda]

Two Norske in a boat 
 
Two Minnesotans, Ole and Sven, were adrift in a lifeboat.
While  rummaging through the boat's provisions, Ole stumbled across an old  lamp. 
 
He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth.
This genie,  however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. 
 
Ole immediately blurted out, 'Turn the entire ocean into Schmidt  beer.' 
 
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and  immediately the sea turned into Schmidt beer and the genie vanished.  
 
Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the  two men considered their circumstances. 
 
Sven looked disgustedly at Ole whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment Sven  said, 'Nice going Ole! 
 
........Now we're going to have to piss in the  boat.'

[Fireball]

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
one off.

[Little lunch]

One in three people fantasize about having group sex.
Three in one is group sex.

---

Recently, in court, I was found guilty of being egotistical.
I am appealing.

---

I'm having little success at selling my autobiography, the story of my life, even though on the best seller's list my poo pun book has just reached number two.

---

I farted in a crowded elevator today which was wrong on so many levels.

---

So what if I can't spell armagedon, it's not the end of the world.
Although I do watch doomsday movies like there's no tomorrow.

---

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing, you should never look down.

[Haipule]

I always tell people when they go into prison ministry, just tell them, "I love a captive audience!" This guy didn't take my advice!

---

One in three people fantasize about having group sex.
Three in one is group sex.

---

Recently, in court, I was found guilty of being egotistical.
I am appealing.

---

I'm having little success at selling my autobiography, the story of my life, even though on the best seller's list my poo pun book has just reached number two.

---

I farted in a crowded elevator today which was wrong on so many levels.

---

So what if I can't spell armagedon, it's not the end of the world.
Although I do watch doomsday movies like there's no tomorrow.

---

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing, you should never look down.

I'm so sorry about your book sales. I know what you mean about being appealing. In the latest People magazine "50 Most Beautiful People", I am number 51 again, ARE THOSE PEOPLE FUCKING BLIND!

---

Q). Why does New Jersey have all the nuclear waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?
A). New Jersey got to pick first!