For all the grammarians on AF...
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"To"
"To who?"
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"To"
"To who?"
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Current time: December 15, 2024, 7:00 pm
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joke time
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 (January 30, 2018 at 3:46 pm)Fireball Wrote: Somebody ought to start a creepy joke thread and transfer this one ^^^ over there.Not "creepy"! tomorrow night will be a super moon as well as a blue moon. So it's intellectual, funny and stupid all at the same time! Your Welcome!
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9 I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice! When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big! I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit. 
Pity the weather here in Melbourne is going to fuck things up....damn...
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.  (January 30, 2018 at 3:56 pm)Haipule Wrote: Not "creepy"! tomorrow night will be a super moon as well as a blue moon. So it's intellectual, funny and stupid all at the same time! One out of three ain't bad.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
(January 30, 2018 at 5:53 pm)ignoramus Wrote: Pity the weather here in Melbourne is going to fuck things up....damn...Should be good here. The last time I saw a bright blue moon. The moon rose over Diamondhead and shown down on the waters of Waikiki during a swell. It was stunning.
My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well...she's not my girlfriend "yet".
I discovered a new vitamin that fights cancer. I call it ...B9 I also invented a diet pill. It works great but had to quit taking it because of the side effects. Turns out my penis is larger and my hair grew back. And whoa! If you think my hair is nice! When does size truly matter? When it's TOO big! I'm currently working on a new pill I call "Destenze". However...now my shoes don't fit. 
"I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."
-Emo Philips “If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side.” –Stuart Turner“ “I tell you what always catches my eye. Short people with an umbrella.” – Gary Delaney “My girlfriend's dog died. So I got her an identical one. She was livid: ‘What I'm going to do with two dead dogs?’” – Gary Delaney "Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?“ – Bill Murray “Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?” – Tim VineI "Grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance–waiting for the bathroom." -Bob Hope
"Alone is what I have. Alone protects me."
“I may be on the side of the angels but don’t think for one second that I am one of them.” “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day." 
What is a common phrase used to describe these:
Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, Pride? The Bill of Rights!
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
 (January 28, 2018 at 11:56 am)vulcanlogician Wrote: A blonde walks into a library and approaches the librarian at the counter... Made these up: this blonde cut her finger on a razor blade trying to make split pea soup. This blonde missed the 6 o'clock news because nobody would tell her what time it comes on. This blonde was really smart. So she'd never lose her remote control, she kept it on top of the television set.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers. Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. --Voltaire Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
A man comes home from fishing with an old boot dangling off the end of his fishing rod.
Man: You should have seen the one that got away. It was a Gucci.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers. Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities. --Voltaire Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind. 
Patient goes in for surgery, real nervous. He says to his surgeon "Doc, I'm really nervous about this. It's my first surgery."
Doc smiles at the patient, reassuring him. "Don't worry, it's my first surgery too."
"Tradition" is just a word people use to make themselves feel better about being an asshole.
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