Patient: Would you like to hold my baby?
Me: Ha! Nice try. You got yourself into that mess!
Me: Ha! Nice try. You got yourself into that mess!
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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Current time: December 15, 2024, 5:53 pm
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joke time
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 Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
I've given my wife thousands of orgasms, but she doesn't appreciate it. She keeps spitting them back at me.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
The English cricket team have been caught breaking quarantine to practice their fielding skills.
It's okay, though... ...they didn't catch anything. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
Priest talking to an alter boy...
"Do you know what your brother said when he lost his virginity?" "Father, please don't!" "Exactly!" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
A woman puts an ad online.
"Man wanted. Three stipulations: you must never hit me, you must never run out on me, and you must be great in bed." Two days later the doorbell rings and she asks who's there? "My name is Tim. I'm here to answer your ad. I have no arms so I can't hit you. I have no legs, so I can't run out on you." "What about being great in bed?", the woman asks through the door. "How do you think I rang the door bell," Tim asks. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
What's better than roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ.
Betty works in a brotheL. One afternoon, the manager tells her to go up to room 12, as she's got a new customer waiting. When she gets there, the door is slightly open and she has a peek. The man is already undressed and lying on the bed, reading a magazine. His equipment doesn't look like much - in fact, she can just make out the word 'little' tattooed on it.
Not terribly interested, Betty gets one of the other girls to take care of the client for her. Later on, they meet up and Betty asks, 'Well, how was it?' 'Fantastic!' says the other girl dreamily. 'And you should have SEEN his tattoo... Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
A man is on holiday in Jamaica and has to go to the bathroom.
He is at the urinal when a Jamaican man starts using the urinal next to him. He decides to have a peak (which is apparently a guy thing) and notices the Jamaican has "WNDY" tattooed on his penis. He smiles and says to the Jamaican, "I have a girlfriend named Wendy, too. I even have her name tattooed to my penis, just like you!" The Jamaican man laughs and says, "No, man. I don't know any Wendy. Mine says 'Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day!'" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
The phone rings in the middle of the say and the woman of the house answers.
"Hi, Mrs Delaney, thus is miss Greene, Timmy's art teacher. I'm calling you to let you know you have a real Van Gogh on your hands." "Well, it's nice to hear something positive and to get such great feedback. And to know Timmy's art is appreciated," replies Mrs Delaney, smiling to herself. "Oh, no," says Miss Greene, "I'm letting you know the stupid little bastard's cut off his ear and we're taking him to hospital!" Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" |
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