joke time

[downbeatplumb]

Tis a lie!

Possibly , it is from Russia.

[Succubus#2]

A guy goes into a bar and says to the bartender, "If I show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, will you let me drink for free tonight?"
The bartender says, "Let me see and I'll consider it."

So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out "Chopsticks", the hamster is plays Chopin, some ragtime, and even some rock and roll.

After a few minutes the bartender says, "Okay, I am impressed. You can drink for free tonight."

As the bartender is pouring the guy a drink, the guy says, "Hey, if I show you something even more amazing, will you let me drink for free for a month?"

The bartender says, "Okay, but this had better be pretty spectacular." So the guy reaches into his bag again and pulls out a microphone and a frog. The frog sits in front of the microphone and begins singing along with the hamster playing the piano.

The bartender says, "Okay, I'm impressed. You can drink here for free for a month."

As all of this has been going on, another customer at the end of the bar has been watching. He walks over and says, "I'm a theater producer, and I'd like to buy that frog and put him in a show. Will you sell it to me for $500?" The guy says no. "$1000?". The guy still refuses. "Okay, will you sell me the frog for $5000?"

So the guy agrees, and gives the producer the frog for $5000. As the producer is leaving, the bartender says to the guy, "I can't believe you sold the frog! Surely it was worth more than $5000!"

"Not really." The guy says. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."

[Abaddon_ire]

Worthless inventions1.


Ejector seats in helicopters.

Apparently not

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamov_Ka-50

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I think some people are too quick to dismiss herbal medicine. After all, thyme heals all wounds.

Boru

[polymath257]

And time wounds all heels.

[A. Secular Human]

For Sale: Parachute, unused. One small stain.

You know that you don't need a parachute to skydive?

Absolutely unnecessary!

However, you do need a parachute to skydive...TWICE...

---

I think some people are too quick to dismiss herbal medicine. After all, thyme heals all wounds.

Boru

You know what we call "alternative medicine" that actually works?

MEDICINE!

[Darinda]

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MP's ran off, the soldier
crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough
Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .'

The nun said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either !!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I generally bench anywhere from two- to two-twenty five, but sometimes I’ll wait till three o’clock.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

How did Harry Potter get to the bottom of the hill?

j/k. Rolling.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

How did Harry Potter get to the bottom of the hill?

j/k. Rolling.

Boru

And you have the gall to mock my Mt Rushmore joke...