joke time

[The Valkyrie]

Her, "Did I get fat during quarantine?"

Him, "You weren't exactly skinny before quarantine."


Death certificate, "Death by Covid-19"

[ignoramus]

---

I told myself to stop drinking and get my shit together.
Then it ocurred to me that I shouldn't be taking life advice from a drunk!

[AniKoferBo]

Three guys have been marooned together on a desert island for years. One day they discover an old bottle half buried in the sand.

They remove the stopper, and our pours a huge cloud of white smoke which coalesces into the form of a genie.

In gratitude for being freed, the genie offers to grant three wishes, one for each man.

The first one knows just what he wants. "I want to be back in Kansas with my wife and children," he says, "on a big farm with a good crop - and no mortgage."

"Granted," says the genie. POOF! The guy vanishes.

The second one thinks for a moment. Then he says, "Okay, I want to be in an Emperors Suite in Las Vegas for life, with two gorgeous women a case of chilled champagne waiting for me there."

"Granted," says the genie again, and POOF! The guy is gone.

The third guy is a little slower than the other two, and not as certain. "I can't decide,' he says after a minute.

"Gee, I miss those guys. I wish they were here."

[A. Secular Human]

Three guys have been marooned on a deserted island for years.

One day, a gorgeous woman swims ashore, in a form-fitting wetsuit that leaves little to the imagination.

She says "I'm here to rescue you, but in the mean time, since you've been here such a long time, is there anything I can offer you, that you really miss?

The first guy says, "I'd like to celebrate...do you have any good Indica?"

The woman zips her wetsuit front down a little, and pulls out a baggie, papers and a Zippo for the grateful man.

The second guy says, "I'd like to celebrate with a drink of good whiskey!"

The woman zips her wetsuit down a little more, and pulls out a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue, a glass, and a couple of ice cubes to give to the grateful man.

The woman then turns to the third man, zips her wetsuit down to below her navel (showing no clothing beneath), and asks the third man in a quiet, husky voice "Want to play around?"

The third man jumps up and exclaims "NO WAY!  You've got a set of golf clubs in there?"

[AniKoferBo]

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But the bulb has to want to change.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one. But the bulb has to want to change.

Q: How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to turn the penis...I mean father...I mean ladder.

Boru

[AniKoferBo]

[Porcupine]

Don't forget that he's also already VERY pre-prepared for COVID-19.

[The Valkyrie]

A Snake guard, a Horus guard, and an Anubis guard meet on a neutral planet.

Things are tense.

The Snake guard's eyes glow.


The Horus guard's beak glistens.


The Anubis guard's nose drips!

[Cecelia]

Dan Snyder at a press conference today:

"Our racist fans have all expressed their concerns over us changing our racist name. But we want to assure them that we've been working hard to come up with an even more racist name. Our first choice was of course, the Washington Klansmen. But we're afraid that one's a little TOO on the nose."

"Our second choice, of course, was the Washington Negros. After the beans, obviously. We even had a deal with Goya to rename our stadium."

"But ultimately we decided to go with a name that's even more racist than that. And we think our racist fans will be supportive. So starting today, we'll be known as the Washington Trumps."