joke time

[Cecelia]

It's kind of funny how many of the same people who don't want to wear masks, don't mind wearing white bedsheets over their heads and carrying around tiki torches.

[The Valkyrie]

A new doctor is walking through an asylum talking to the patients.

He sees a man standing at attention with one hand tucked into his coat and asks, "And who are you?"

"I am the great emperor Napoleon!" says the patient.

"And who told you that?" the doctors asks.

"God told me!" the patient proclaims proudly.


Another voice crops up from a nearby bed and says, "No I didn't!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a zoophile, a necrophile and a pyromaniac are sitting together at the asylum.

The zoophile says, 'Let's have sex with a cat.'

The sadist says, 'Let's have sex with a cat and then torture it.'

The murderer says, 'Let's have sex with a cat, then torture it and then kill it.'

The necrophile says, 'Let's have sex with a cat, then torture it, kill it, and have sex with it again.'

The pyromaniac says, 'Let's have sex with a cat, then torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and burn it.'

The masochist says, 'Meow.'

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

A paedophile and a pervert walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Hello, Father!"

[A. Secular Human]

It's kind of funny how many of the same people who don't want to wear masks, don't mind wearing white bedsheets over their heads and carrying around tiki torches.

Or that they are suddenly all PRO-CHOICE!

[Jackie]

Joke I just saw on Titter today,

With many strip clubs remaining closed, maybe pole workers can become poll workers.

[The Valkyrie]

I went camping with a friend.

In the middle of the night we had a terrible fight.

It was intense...

[downbeatplumb]

I went camping with a friend.

In the middle of the night we had a terrible fight.

It was intense...

I made love to my wife while camping.

It was fucking in tents.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

'Doc, I sure hope you can help me.  One night, I dream that I'm a wigwam, the next night I dream that I'm a teepee. What can I do?'

'You just need to relax - you're too tents.'

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

A lawyer from a top London law firm was driving through a small Irish town when he ran a stop sign.

Immediately he was pulled over by an Irish policeman. Without realising what he had done, he decided he was going to get one over on this Irish cop. He WAS, after all, a top London lawyer.

The lawyer pulled over his car and the cop appeared at the window.

"Can I see your licence and registration please, sir?" asks the cop.

"Would you be a good fellow and tell me what I did, officer?" Says the lawyer.

"You ran a stop sign, sir,"replies the cop.

The lawyer smiles, "I did slow down before I proceeded through the stop sign. There was nothing coming so I proceeded through the intersection," says the lawyer.

"Yes, sir," replies the cop. "You are supposed to stop at the sign. I will have to give you a ticket."

"I'll tell you what," says the lawyer, 'If you can demonstrate to me the difference between stopping and slowing down, you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go."

"Okay, sir, please step out of the car."

The lawyer smiles and does as requested. At which point the cop pulls out his truncheon and starts beating the shit out of the lawyer (American cop style).

"Now, sir," says the cop between hits, "Would you like me to slow down or stop?"