joke time

[The Valkyrie]

A lawyer from a top London law firm was driving through a small Irish town when he ran a stop sign.

Immediately he was pulled over by an Irish policeman. Without realising what he had done, he decided he was going to get one over on this Irish cop. He WAS, after all, a top London lawyer.

The lawyer pulled over his car and the cop appeared at the window.

"Can I see your licence and registration please, sir?" asks the cop.

"Would you be a good fellow and tell me what I did, officer?" Says the lawyer.

"You ran a stop sign, sir,"replies the cop.

The lawyer smiles, "I did slow down before I proceeded through the stop sign. There was nothing coming so I proceeded through the intersection," says the lawyer.

"Yes, sir," replies the cop. "You are supposed to stop at the sign. I will have to give you a ticket."

"I'll tell you what," says the lawyer, 'If you can demonstrate to me the difference between stopping and slowing down, you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go."

"Okay, sir, please step out of the car."

The lawyer smiles and does as requested. At which point the cop pulls out his truncheon and starts beating the shit out of the lawyer (American cop style).

"Now, sir," says the cop between hits, "Would you like me to slow down or stop?"

[Brian37]

We have another hurricane coming. But lets not worry, Trump's super power is the Sharpie. Maybe this time because of his talent and accuracy it will hit Antarctica.

[The Valkyrie]

Went to lunch with a friend today. She spent the entire time complaining about her boyfriend.

Apparently he's accusing her of cheating on him.

He's starting to sound like her husband.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Her: ‘What are you doing??’

Him (puzzled): ‘Having a cup of coffee. What’s wrong?’

Her: ‘We’ve been trying to conceive - you know the doctor told you that caffeine can affect sperm count and motility! You can’t drink coffee while we’re trying to make a baby!’

Him: ‘Oh, I dunno. I’m pretty coordinated.’

Boru

[Brian37]

Could it be said that the orange turd's hands are "writ small"?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Could it be said that the orange turd's hands are "writ small"?

Learn to read the room, dude.

Boru

[Darinda]

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
“Olympic condoms?” she blurts. “What makes them so special?”
“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”
“What color are you going to wear tonight?” she asks cheekily.
“Gold of course,” says the man proudly.
The wife responds, “Really? Why don’t you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change.”

[The Valkyrie]

My Asian neighbours are disappointed with their son.

After several tests at the hospital he was diagnosed with hepatitis b and not hepatitis a.

He must try harder!

[ignoramus]

But I bet his blood type is A+
They must be so proud...

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I kinda feel bad for Michelle Obama. Poor woman lost her job to an illegal immigrant.

Boru