joke time

[ignoramus]

I'm not surprised. Where do you think I got my perverted deviancy from?

[Darinda]

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

[Fireball]

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Pearl Necklace!

[Darinda]

Bill meets Doug shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift wrapped box.
“It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.” Doug said. “Last week I asked her what she wanted for her birthday.”
“And???” Bill asked.
“Well.. , she said ‘I don’t know, just give me something with diamonds in it’.”
“So what did you get her?” asked Bill.
“I bought her a deck of cards!!”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Bill meets Doug shopping at the mall and sees he has a small gift wrapped box.
“It’s my wife’s birthday tomorrow.” Doug said. “Last week I asked her what she wanted for her birthday.”
“And???” Bill asked.
“Well.. , she said ‘I don’t know, just give me something with diamonds in it’.”
“So what did you get her?” asked Bill.
“I bought her a deck of cards!!”

Doug will be sorely missed.

Boru

[Darinda]

A boy asks his father, “Dad, are bugs good to eat?”
“That’s disgusting. Don’t talk about things like that over dinner,” the dad replies.
After dinner the father asks, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”
“Oh, nothing,” the boy says. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

[The Valkyrie]

"You need to trim your pubic hair."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because when you get an erection it looks like Pinocchio joined the Taliban!"

[The Valkyrie]

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Who the hell do you think it is, Buzz? Stop screwing around and let me in!"

"Oh, sorry, Neil!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Say what you will about paedophiles, but at least they slow down in school zones.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

What's the different between hedgehogs and BMWs?

Hedgehogs have the pricks on the outside.