joke time

[Darinda]

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
The difference between Oo and oO

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday.

"On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?

""Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.

""Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.

Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge.

Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge.

"156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.

Then I pointed to the little circle and said,

This is your asshole before prison..................
"😂😂😂😂

[no one]

Nice beaver. Looks like it's about to get wet.

[Darinda]

A farmer lived on a quiet, rural highway. As time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. It became so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six chickens a day. A call to the sheriff resulted in signs being put up near the farmer’s land that said “Slow: School Crossing.” Chickens were still being run over. The sheriff had the signs changed to say “Slow: Children at Play.” Again no change.

“Look, your signs are just not working. Mind if I put up one of my own?” asked the farmer. The Sheriff agreed. Three weeks later, the Sheriff decided to see if the new sign was working because he had not received anymore complaints. Upon close inspection, the sheriff saw the new sign that was making a difference. Written on a whole sheet of plywood were the words… “Slow: Nudist Colony.”

[Jackie]

I briefly took pool lifeguard certification training as a teen. But the instructors kept getting mad at me when I put a tourniquet around the victim's neck. They screamed at me "What are you doing!" I responded, "They got a cut on their forehead."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

My mate Jesse bought himself a new barbecue, and its amazing - 10 000 BTU, eight burners, folding grates, a griddle, a separate smoker compartment. All the bells and whistles, and I'm honestly kinda jealous.

---

I wish that I had Jesse's grill.

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Boru

[The Valkyrie]

My mate Jesse bought himself a new barbecue, and its amazing - 10 000 BTU, eight burners, folding grates, a griddle, a separate smoker compartment. All the bells and whistles, and I'm honestly kinda jealous.

---

I wish that I had Jesse's grill.

---

Boru

If I wasn't at home sick, I'd track you down and smack you!

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

My mate Jesse bought himself a new barbecue, and its amazing - 10 000 BTU, eight burners, folding grates, a griddle, a separate smoker compartment. All the bells and whistles, and I'm honestly kinda jealous.

---

I wish that I had Jesse's grill.

---

Boru

If I wasn't at home sick, I'd track you down and smack you!

I’ll pay extra for that. Get well soon.

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

My mate Jesse bought himself a new barbecue, and its amazing - 10 000 BTU, eight burners, folding grates, a griddle, a separate smoker compartment. All the bells and whistles, and I'm honestly kinda jealous.

---

I wish that I had Jesse's grill.

---

Boru

If I wasn't at home sick, I'd track you down and smack you!

Uh oh!  Gotta ask...COVID?

[Darinda]

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis…
I don’t know how I pulled through it..
It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had!!

[Darinda]

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little math test. Here’s your first question,’ the foreman said. ‘Without using numbers, represent the number 9.’

‘Withouta numbers?’ the Italian says, ‘Datsa easy.’ and he proceeds to draw three trees.

‘What’s this?’ the boss asks.

‘Ave you gotta no brain? Tree and tree and tree makes a nine,’ says the Italian.

‘Fair enough,’ says the boss. ‘Here’s your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.’

The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree . ‘Ere you go.’

The boss scratches his head and says, ‘How on earth do you get that to represent 99?’ ‘

Eacha of da trees is a dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Datsa a 99.’

The boss is getting worried that he’s going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, ‘All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.’

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, ‘Ere you go. One hundred.’

The boss looks at the attempt. ‘You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!’

The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, ‘A little doga come along and shita by eacha tree.

So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, whenna I start?