joke time

[The Valkyrie]

Yesterday I crashed my brand new Kia.

Now, I have nokia.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Blech.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Earlier this evening, I gently and slowly slid my wife’s sexy panties to one side.

---

It was the only way I could fit the rest of her socks in the drawer.

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Boru

[The Valkyrie]

A woman visits a pharmacy.

"Does viagra work?"

"Yes," replies the pharmacist.

"Can you get it over the counter?"

"If I take two."

[The Valkyrie]

Me, "This is the worst fucking TV show I've ever seen."

Boss, "Again, this is a Zoom conference!"

[Darinda]

Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the hell was wrong with you?

Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.

Judge: Hit the 2 men of course!

Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran inside the restaurant so l followed him.

[Brian37]

Yesterday I crashed my brand new Kia.

Now, I have nokia.

Good one.

[vulcanlogician]

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and would be IMMENSELY good in bed”.

Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Sam. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won’t run away”.
“What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts.

Sam replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A man has taken his seat on a plane. He notices a stunningly beautiful woman boarding, and she’s heading towards him. She takes the seat next to his. Eager to break the ice, he asks, ‘Are you traveling for business or pleasure?’

‘Business,’ she says. ‘’I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs Convention in Boston.’

A little nonplussed, the man recovers quickly and asks, ‘What’s your business at the convention?’

‘I’m a lecturer. I use my personal experience to debunk common myths about sexuality.’

‘What sort of myths?’ he asks.

‘Well, for example, it’s usually thought that African American men are the best endowed, when it’s actually Native Americans. It’s also thought that Frenchmen make the best lovers, but in reality, it’s Hispanics. And I’ve discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.’

At this point the woman blushes a bit and says, ‘I really shouldn’t be telling you all this. I mean, I don’t even know your name.’

‘Tonto’ says the man. ‘Tonto Gonzales. But my friends call me Bubba.’

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

I was going to cook alligator tonight.

But I only have a crocpot!